I am being retrospective today.
One year ago I was about to embark on one of the most interesting journeys of my life. While going through all the testing, counseling and support meetings no one could make me understand all the feelings that come along with bariatric surgery. I could not wrap my mind around not wanting a coca cola. I couldn't understand how in the world food wouldn't call my name. No way was there going to be a time that I was bored and didn't want to eat!
Well, I am still morphing my mind. While my body changed QUICKLY my mind, not so much. My daughter laughs at me when we go shopping because she says I go straight to the big girl clothes. I really don't make a conscientious effort to do it but I really have crazy brain block over looking at the "S" on clothes. My brain doesn't understand that I CAN wear that size. I've never been a small....NEVER. At 118# and a senior in high school I was a size 10/12. So for me to be 109# and a size 2 doesn't compute in an analogical mind. I can honestly say that I believe companies do not size their clothes as in the past. Had they sized them the way they do now, I may not have had the body image that I have had to tame.
When I look in the mirror now I see an older woman...ok an OLD LADY! I have sagging, bagging, and dragging body parts. My butt looks like a shar pei dog and my belly is a better bowl of jelly than Santa ever could muster. My sister wanted to cry, I believe, when she saw the truth about my boobs. You know it is bad when your own mother says "Oh, I think they're cute! They remind me of when you were a little girl!" WHAT!!??? A little girl!! bahaha thanks Mom! It really IS funny. I have to laugh. It no longer hurts my feelings because it is true. But, the most wonderful thing is in my clothes I have NEVER felt so good. I've never felt pretty, fashionable or desirable in clothes, until this surgery.
I was alone at Northgate mall last week and walked into the American Eagle store. The sweet little sales girl couldn't believe it when I told her I once weighed 214#. She was checking out my tucked in shirt and my cute belt with my AE jeans and she wanted to know the size of my jeans. She thought I needed a smaller size! When I told her they were a 2 I thought she would flip out. I, in turn, flipped out when she said I needed a zero! Needless to say it was very flattering to hear. I know so many people think I am too thin and that's ok. People can and will think what they want to think regardless of how I feel about it. To answer the question that you may be thinking, no, I did not try on a size zero. I know from the literature and through the experience of others, I will gain weight. In fact, I have gain roughly three pounds the month of December already. I am SO not ready to gain! But as Kathy, the bariatric coordinator, said "Tis the season".
I've had many friends and even a cousin follow in my footsteps and have surgery this year. They are all doing a great job and are well on their way. I'm also excited to welcome a new sleeve sister on board as she will be having surgery on the 28th. I'm thrilled that she is taking the bull by the horns and going to get control of her life. She is, understandably, nervous and apprehensive so if you are reading this please pray for her as she starts this incredible journey.
As the surgiversary approaches I want to celebrate a year of change, a year of excitement, a year of craziness, a year of unbelievable looks and comments. A toast to 2011!
Friday, December 16, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
"Run Forest Run!"
I have finally done what I said I would NEVER do. RUN.... "what?!" you say? Yes, Minnie ran! I'm in awe of that short little sentence myself. Never in a million years would I think my name would be linked with a sentence that had run in it. Unless, of course, it was talking about a run in my pantyhose or my nose on any given day.
Back in the day, (you know, WAY BACK) I dated a runner. He was (and still is) an avid, excellent, award winning runner. He loves running. He runs, I'm sure, everyday. I've seen pictures on facebook. After all these years, that boy is STILL running. I'm sure he has put in more miles than Forest Gump. Me, on the other hand, couldn't even add up all the running I've done from childhood til now and make it to the end of the street. Well, maybe the end of the street but that's pushing it. I would run/walk the little "fun" runs whenever he would enter a race but I found nothing FUN about it.
My sister has been doing Run For God for over a year now. My next door neighbor has just had her third child and she is starting Run For God. I had the pleasure of working with my daughter on the Run for Ringgold. Now she wants me to run the warrior dash with her. I've had one of our radiologist encourage/challenge me to run. What's with all this running? Are they giving away money at the end of "the run"? Maybe giving away nonfattening coca colas? That's the only two things I can think of worth running for.
Everyone I spoken with that runs tell me it is an escape. You can escape the world for however long you run. While I would love to escape, I hope someone in that world is watching because when I fall out I need someone to be there to pick my old skinny butt up and get me out of the road! Escapism is kind of like alcoholism isn't it? You drink to escape....you run to escape.... just saying. Some people drink because they enjoy it and some people run because they enjoy it..... hmmm. When you sober up the problems you were trying to escape from are still there and when I run and get back to the house, those bills are still waiting to be paid. I've escaped NOTHING! See...doesn't sound to appealing does it?
Yet, I have excepted the challenge. "Try it" I'm told, "give it a chance" they say, "it is great cardio" per the exercise physiologist, "get a partner" says an avid runner, "put in your ipod" the doc says. OK! OK! OK! I'm trying it. I'm giving it the old college try. I'm pumping up the old heart. I've got a partner (and a good one I might add). The only thing I haven't done is put in the ipod. I'm too busy talking to my partner. I'm going to save that suggestion for when I am alone and trying to push through.
The last two days have been little jaunts around the neighborhood. It is about 1/2 mile give or take a step or two. My buddy has added ankle weights and tried to shorten his stride. There is nothing we can do about the 31 years age difference but he hasn't left my side! We walk a little and run a little. All told we have probably ran at least half the distance of the 'hood. Yesterday there was some soreness but not anything that would stop a girl. Today... this old body is thinking 109# is as good as 200# on these thighs! It also sounds like I'm going to be on my own this evening when I get home so I am trying to pump up my psyche. I'm not going to let some cold, windy weather, sore thighs and no partner stop me now. After all, who gives up after only two days? NOT ME! No sir...I'm gonna do this if it kills me. It might, but I'm going down swinging!
So, if you happen to be in my neighborhood about nine tonight, circle around and make sure I make it home. It's the least a friend could do....the most you could do...park the car and RUN with me!
Back in the day, (you know, WAY BACK) I dated a runner. He was (and still is) an avid, excellent, award winning runner. He loves running. He runs, I'm sure, everyday. I've seen pictures on facebook. After all these years, that boy is STILL running. I'm sure he has put in more miles than Forest Gump. Me, on the other hand, couldn't even add up all the running I've done from childhood til now and make it to the end of the street. Well, maybe the end of the street but that's pushing it. I would run/walk the little "fun" runs whenever he would enter a race but I found nothing FUN about it.
My sister has been doing Run For God for over a year now. My next door neighbor has just had her third child and she is starting Run For God. I had the pleasure of working with my daughter on the Run for Ringgold. Now she wants me to run the warrior dash with her. I've had one of our radiologist encourage/challenge me to run. What's with all this running? Are they giving away money at the end of "the run"? Maybe giving away nonfattening coca colas? That's the only two things I can think of worth running for.
Everyone I spoken with that runs tell me it is an escape. You can escape the world for however long you run. While I would love to escape, I hope someone in that world is watching because when I fall out I need someone to be there to pick my old skinny butt up and get me out of the road! Escapism is kind of like alcoholism isn't it? You drink to escape....you run to escape.... just saying. Some people drink because they enjoy it and some people run because they enjoy it..... hmmm. When you sober up the problems you were trying to escape from are still there and when I run and get back to the house, those bills are still waiting to be paid. I've escaped NOTHING! See...doesn't sound to appealing does it?
Yet, I have excepted the challenge. "Try it" I'm told, "give it a chance" they say, "it is great cardio" per the exercise physiologist, "get a partner" says an avid runner, "put in your ipod" the doc says. OK! OK! OK! I'm trying it. I'm giving it the old college try. I'm pumping up the old heart. I've got a partner (and a good one I might add). The only thing I haven't done is put in the ipod. I'm too busy talking to my partner. I'm going to save that suggestion for when I am alone and trying to push through.
The last two days have been little jaunts around the neighborhood. It is about 1/2 mile give or take a step or two. My buddy has added ankle weights and tried to shorten his stride. There is nothing we can do about the 31 years age difference but he hasn't left my side! We walk a little and run a little. All told we have probably ran at least half the distance of the 'hood. Yesterday there was some soreness but not anything that would stop a girl. Today... this old body is thinking 109# is as good as 200# on these thighs! It also sounds like I'm going to be on my own this evening when I get home so I am trying to pump up my psyche. I'm not going to let some cold, windy weather, sore thighs and no partner stop me now. After all, who gives up after only two days? NOT ME! No sir...I'm gonna do this if it kills me. It might, but I'm going down swinging!
So, if you happen to be in my neighborhood about nine tonight, circle around and make sure I make it home. It's the least a friend could do....the most you could do...park the car and RUN with me!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
A day in the life....my CRAZY life
Let me begin by saying... I have become my mother! I can not "sleep in". Sleeping in is sleeping til 8a.m. and that's pushing it. Needless to say, my days start early.
I have been reading other's blogs, especially the fellow sleeve sisters'. I am so thankful, in the big ole world out there, there are others going through their lives just like me. I'm thankful for seeing their pictures and recognizing those skinny faces and collar bones while the waist and hips are needing work. Anyone that has had bariatric surgery will tell you, it starts at the top of your head and works its way to the tips of your toes. Thus why everyone sees such a change so fast. It also is a great motivator when you, yourself, see it in the mirror as your face slims and those collars appear.
I have prided myself in my clavicles for months now. I love them! I stare at them in the mirror. While my face is slimmer I don't like staring at it because it sure looks old! LOL Just a little glance further south and there they sit, one on each side, sticking out for the world to see. They are the perfect specimen for anyone that needs to comp an x ray for school (my x ray buddies understand this). I am afraid one day I will wake up and they will have retreated back into a layer of fat never to be seen again. But, I wake up each morning and there they are, as if saying "Good Morning!" So, as I dressed this morning to go see the cardiologist I decided to "play up" my assets. The good ole collarbones.
Now, let me remind those of you who don't know. I have worked for this cardiologist before. I respect him so much because I have seen his work first hand. As far as a man, I've always thought he was a fairly good catch. He was going through a divorce when I worked for him and I made it a point to tell him what a good country wife could do for him:) Needless to say, he likes high maintenance (read between the lines...THIN) women.
The first appointment was with my father and this cardiologist. As we are walking toward the office, here comes doc down the hall. He smiles and we speak. It isn't until he shakes my father's hand and turns to do a double take at me that he realizes who I am! It was really funny, as it is when anyone does it...it happens.... ALOT. The look on people's faces and the words they can not find as they stammer is something that never gets old because I find it so humorous.
My father's appointment goes well as we sit together in the exam room and then we move on to the next appointment...ME. The nurse gets me ready and enter the doc. He comes in saying "WOW! Can you believe this?!" He, of course, is talking about my wondrous lab numbers. They have dropped significantly since my last visit and the conversation turns to the advantages of the weight loss. We are discussing how people treat you differently as a fat person and never really know "who" you are inside the fat. He compliments my personality and says "You are smoking hot!!" It was all I could do not to burst out laughing with an "I told you so" attitude. While we are both married now, it is still a great feeling knowing that he has in fact seen the person that he knew was in there. Anytime you work closely with a doctor as I did with him, there are personal thoughts that you share with them. You get to know them personally. So to hear those words come from his mouth, it was truly a compliment.
It reminds me of Dr Perez when my daughter was born. Everyone was coming in telling me how beautiful she was. I was upset because while I knew she was beautiful to me, I was afraid she was one of "those" ugly babies. Dr Perez pulled no punches. He came in and I knew he would say something tactful if she were ugly. What he said was "Tammie, she is the most beautiful baby in the nursery!" I started crying because it was at that moment that I knew, it wasn't just a mother's love that made her beautiful. She was a cutie! It has been 19 years, I still feel that way and I have never forgotten his words.
Words are powerful. I can not remember the person that said it, although it was probably one of those Shakespeare things..."the pen is mightier than the sword". The pen that writes those words that can cut but can also uplift. Mighty are those words. I ask anyone reading this to take the time to think before you speak. Someone, somewhere, like me, may be giddy with just the right words. What a way to make some one's day.
I have been reading other's blogs, especially the fellow sleeve sisters'. I am so thankful, in the big ole world out there, there are others going through their lives just like me. I'm thankful for seeing their pictures and recognizing those skinny faces and collar bones while the waist and hips are needing work. Anyone that has had bariatric surgery will tell you, it starts at the top of your head and works its way to the tips of your toes. Thus why everyone sees such a change so fast. It also is a great motivator when you, yourself, see it in the mirror as your face slims and those collars appear.
I have prided myself in my clavicles for months now. I love them! I stare at them in the mirror. While my face is slimmer I don't like staring at it because it sure looks old! LOL Just a little glance further south and there they sit, one on each side, sticking out for the world to see. They are the perfect specimen for anyone that needs to comp an x ray for school (my x ray buddies understand this). I am afraid one day I will wake up and they will have retreated back into a layer of fat never to be seen again. But, I wake up each morning and there they are, as if saying "Good Morning!" So, as I dressed this morning to go see the cardiologist I decided to "play up" my assets. The good ole collarbones.
Now, let me remind those of you who don't know. I have worked for this cardiologist before. I respect him so much because I have seen his work first hand. As far as a man, I've always thought he was a fairly good catch. He was going through a divorce when I worked for him and I made it a point to tell him what a good country wife could do for him:) Needless to say, he likes high maintenance (read between the lines...THIN) women.
The first appointment was with my father and this cardiologist. As we are walking toward the office, here comes doc down the hall. He smiles and we speak. It isn't until he shakes my father's hand and turns to do a double take at me that he realizes who I am! It was really funny, as it is when anyone does it...it happens.... ALOT. The look on people's faces and the words they can not find as they stammer is something that never gets old because I find it so humorous.
My father's appointment goes well as we sit together in the exam room and then we move on to the next appointment...ME. The nurse gets me ready and enter the doc. He comes in saying "WOW! Can you believe this?!" He, of course, is talking about my wondrous lab numbers. They have dropped significantly since my last visit and the conversation turns to the advantages of the weight loss. We are discussing how people treat you differently as a fat person and never really know "who" you are inside the fat. He compliments my personality and says "You are smoking hot!!" It was all I could do not to burst out laughing with an "I told you so" attitude. While we are both married now, it is still a great feeling knowing that he has in fact seen the person that he knew was in there. Anytime you work closely with a doctor as I did with him, there are personal thoughts that you share with them. You get to know them personally. So to hear those words come from his mouth, it was truly a compliment.
It reminds me of Dr Perez when my daughter was born. Everyone was coming in telling me how beautiful she was. I was upset because while I knew she was beautiful to me, I was afraid she was one of "those" ugly babies. Dr Perez pulled no punches. He came in and I knew he would say something tactful if she were ugly. What he said was "Tammie, she is the most beautiful baby in the nursery!" I started crying because it was at that moment that I knew, it wasn't just a mother's love that made her beautiful. She was a cutie! It has been 19 years, I still feel that way and I have never forgotten his words.
Words are powerful. I can not remember the person that said it, although it was probably one of those Shakespeare things..."the pen is mightier than the sword". The pen that writes those words that can cut but can also uplift. Mighty are those words. I ask anyone reading this to take the time to think before you speak. Someone, somewhere, like me, may be giddy with just the right words. What a way to make some one's day.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
The World According to Eggface
As I started my journey into the weightloss world one website constantly came up in our support meetings, www.theworld accordingtoeggface.com. Strange name, I know, but this website is the BEST! The owner of this website has tried and true recipes and ideas for all of us in the bariatric world.
Being the southern girl I am there are ALOT of things on her site that I've never even heard of, but some sound delicious. I think I'm gonna have to get her to try a few "southern" recipes. She is having a contest and if you even remotely have an interest you need to check her out at <a href="http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v467/favabean/Lolatini/buttoncleangrad.png" /></a>
Good night world!
Minnie
Being the southern girl I am there are ALOT of things on her site that I've never even heard of, but some sound delicious. I think I'm gonna have to get her to try a few "southern" recipes. She is having a contest and if you even remotely have an interest you need to check her out at <a href="http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v467/favabean/Lolatini/buttoncleangrad.png" /></a>
Good night world!
Minnie
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Doctor visit today on my 9 month surgiversary
What a beautiful day in the neighborhood! The Lord has blessed me with another day and the sunshine that warmed my skin was an awesome sight to see/feel today. Can one tell I had a good day?
My day started with getting to sleep in because my wonderful husband took our son to school today. Well, I say sleep in but in reality as soon as they walked out the door, I flipped on the tv. Something about being a middle aged woman and extra sleep....doesn't compute. It was a productive girl day though. After the usual run of picking up the house, paying bills, folding several loads of clothes and making beds I was off to the salon. Or, as we like to say in the south, the beauty shop. I'm not sure how much beauty I left with but I did leave with much less gray and much less hair. The thinning of my hair is a post surgery anomoly that I wish I didn't have to endure but alas I am the lucky winner of the thin hair award. Cute new 'do for me.
Saw the surgeon today as I celebrated my nine month surgiversary. Nine months ago today....life as I knew it was forever changed. I was very please as I left his office for he assured me that everything is going as planned. I may still lose alittle but he seems to think that I've hit bottom. Now, to maintain the weight. The vast majority of VSG patients will "bounce up" alittle after they have hit bottom. I am really NOT looking forward to this for my brain is a sick little organ. I've been so used to watching the scales fall that to watch them go up could really be a stressful event. Logic needs to remain forefront and my heart needs to back away from the scale!
The numbers are in and I have officially lost 103# and 67 inches. Labwork will be repeated in December and I welcome those numbers. They HAVE to be good. I feel too good to have losey numbers. It is an interesting subject...numbers. I've never been good at math but I sure can subtract weight and inches! The most fun I've had doing measurements in a very long time...actually ever! I'm sure that my math teachers wish I had been this intrigued 30 years ago with numbers.
As I close the book on the day I will lie my head down and smile. I smile not only because of the events of the day but because I know from where my happiness comes. It is no longer tied into how I look or how someone treats me. It comes from within.
My day started with getting to sleep in because my wonderful husband took our son to school today. Well, I say sleep in but in reality as soon as they walked out the door, I flipped on the tv. Something about being a middle aged woman and extra sleep....doesn't compute. It was a productive girl day though. After the usual run of picking up the house, paying bills, folding several loads of clothes and making beds I was off to the salon. Or, as we like to say in the south, the beauty shop. I'm not sure how much beauty I left with but I did leave with much less gray and much less hair. The thinning of my hair is a post surgery anomoly that I wish I didn't have to endure but alas I am the lucky winner of the thin hair award. Cute new 'do for me.
Saw the surgeon today as I celebrated my nine month surgiversary. Nine months ago today....life as I knew it was forever changed. I was very please as I left his office for he assured me that everything is going as planned. I may still lose alittle but he seems to think that I've hit bottom. Now, to maintain the weight. The vast majority of VSG patients will "bounce up" alittle after they have hit bottom. I am really NOT looking forward to this for my brain is a sick little organ. I've been so used to watching the scales fall that to watch them go up could really be a stressful event. Logic needs to remain forefront and my heart needs to back away from the scale!
The numbers are in and I have officially lost 103# and 67 inches. Labwork will be repeated in December and I welcome those numbers. They HAVE to be good. I feel too good to have losey numbers. It is an interesting subject...numbers. I've never been good at math but I sure can subtract weight and inches! The most fun I've had doing measurements in a very long time...actually ever! I'm sure that my math teachers wish I had been this intrigued 30 years ago with numbers.
As I close the book on the day I will lie my head down and smile. I smile not only because of the events of the day but because I know from where my happiness comes. It is no longer tied into how I look or how someone treats me. It comes from within.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
9 months ahead
Well today starts another new chapter. A blog. Funny, seems like just a few months ago I had no idea what a blog was and I'm sure I thought it silly, yet, here I am.
I've started this blog to keep up with my journey and am able to refer people here to get an idea of what has happened to me. This isn't any medical advice or really any advice whatsoever. It is just me. The decision I've made for me and the way my decisions have affected my life.
In less than one week, I will be 9 months post op with a VSG (Veritcal Sleeve Gastrectomy). Anyone who doesn't know what that is can read below and will learn probably more than you want to know. At nine months it seems it has been forever! I've been post op as long as it took me to incubate one of my children:) That seemed forever too! Luckily on the flip side of pregnancy, in nine months I have lost the weight instead of gaining the weight. AHHHH.....The Weight.
A word that makes me cringe.... WEIGHT. Overweight, underweight, too much weight, not enough weight...weight, weight, weight. Everyday, my 24 hours is consumed with weight. How much did I weigh this morning? How much will I weigh before I go to bed? Did I get in enough calories today? Did I get in enough fluids for the day? When am I going to stop losing? What if I start gaining? What will plastic surgery look like? What will it cost? Will it make me gain weight? I think I got in too many calories today, will it show up in the morning? These questions are continuous. One feeds the other until it is a vicious cycle. There isn't much room for anything else in my head other than that self rewinding tape playing the same old song over and over.
For the first time in my life, I like the way I look in clothes. As a teenager my little tummy pouch was too big. (What a joke!) My boobs weren't big enough. My legs weren't shapely enough. Wow! Hindsight truly is 20/20. When I look at pictures of that teenage girl and young adult, I had it going on! Why can we not see that when we are living it? Maturity has a way of softening some edges yet sharpening others. I physically feel so much better. I emotionally feel so much better. Yet, when I see the way some people react to my weight loss by rolling their eyes or looking like I am skeletor that young girl's feelings try to surface. These are grown women that, in my opinion, have nothing better to do than to criticize others. This is something wrong inside them, not me. As a girlfriend put it Friday night, "they are just haters". You know, they really are...they hate themselves and they hate me for showing them that life can be good. Believe me, when I put on a size 2 American Eagle jeans and a size 4 pair of shorts, I look in the mirror and think "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!!" LOL
Now, I know some of you think, "well isn't she full of herself"! Well, not really. You will see that I noted in the previous paragraph that I like the way I look IN CLOTHES. The "not in clothes" body is a whole different ballgame. It really is a whole other ballPARK. I am forty seven years old with an eighty seven year old body. The skin that has been left after a 103# weight loss is a burn victims dream. I wish there were a way to harvest this stuff and give it to a burn patient. Yet, there is that grand thing called government restrictions and money that always stand in the way of a good idea. My sister has always said "Do you see wrinkles on a balloon?" She has a point! When I was blown up like a balloon I looked younger than all my skinny classmates for I had no wrinkles! Boy! That came back around to bite me in the butt. I have more wrinkles now than three of my skinny classmates! Vanity lives on!
I've seen more doctors in the last 9 months than I care to see. I've seen surgeons, sleep doctors, ob-gyns, cardiologists. My pocketbook can't handle another doctor visit. But, another visit is scheduled next week and the next. The first year of post op is definitely a roller coaster ride. It is a struggle to get up those first few hills but the the momentum takes you and before you know it the ride is over and you have to learn to coast on your own. When I think about being out here on my own with no follow ups I start feeling anxious. Right now, when you cheat alittle, it really doesn't show. You tell on yourself to your dr. and take your spanking, knowing that you will make it up in the next few days. You don't want to disappoint anyone. But life will, inevitably, bite you should you cheat. This is where my support system is going to have to step it up a notch. We are all becoming complacent. We are moving into daily living and eating. Disappointments are going to come but I'm not ready! Cheating is happening but habits do not need to happen. Some days I just want to throw caution to the wind and it is those days that I have to remind myself this is a journey, not just a trip. The days I want a coca cola are the days that I have to remember how much better I feel without them.
I guess I could always look at it as I do with other things that are in my past. I'm glad it happened for had it not happened I wouldn't be the person that I've become. And you know what, I kinda like her!
I've started this blog to keep up with my journey and am able to refer people here to get an idea of what has happened to me. This isn't any medical advice or really any advice whatsoever. It is just me. The decision I've made for me and the way my decisions have affected my life.
In less than one week, I will be 9 months post op with a VSG (Veritcal Sleeve Gastrectomy). Anyone who doesn't know what that is can read below and will learn probably more than you want to know. At nine months it seems it has been forever! I've been post op as long as it took me to incubate one of my children:) That seemed forever too! Luckily on the flip side of pregnancy, in nine months I have lost the weight instead of gaining the weight. AHHHH.....The Weight.
A word that makes me cringe.... WEIGHT. Overweight, underweight, too much weight, not enough weight...weight, weight, weight. Everyday, my 24 hours is consumed with weight. How much did I weigh this morning? How much will I weigh before I go to bed? Did I get in enough calories today? Did I get in enough fluids for the day? When am I going to stop losing? What if I start gaining? What will plastic surgery look like? What will it cost? Will it make me gain weight? I think I got in too many calories today, will it show up in the morning? These questions are continuous. One feeds the other until it is a vicious cycle. There isn't much room for anything else in my head other than that self rewinding tape playing the same old song over and over.
For the first time in my life, I like the way I look in clothes. As a teenager my little tummy pouch was too big. (What a joke!) My boobs weren't big enough. My legs weren't shapely enough. Wow! Hindsight truly is 20/20. When I look at pictures of that teenage girl and young adult, I had it going on! Why can we not see that when we are living it? Maturity has a way of softening some edges yet sharpening others. I physically feel so much better. I emotionally feel so much better. Yet, when I see the way some people react to my weight loss by rolling their eyes or looking like I am skeletor that young girl's feelings try to surface. These are grown women that, in my opinion, have nothing better to do than to criticize others. This is something wrong inside them, not me. As a girlfriend put it Friday night, "they are just haters". You know, they really are...they hate themselves and they hate me for showing them that life can be good. Believe me, when I put on a size 2 American Eagle jeans and a size 4 pair of shorts, I look in the mirror and think "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!!" LOL
Now, I know some of you think, "well isn't she full of herself"! Well, not really. You will see that I noted in the previous paragraph that I like the way I look IN CLOTHES. The "not in clothes" body is a whole different ballgame. It really is a whole other ballPARK. I am forty seven years old with an eighty seven year old body. The skin that has been left after a 103# weight loss is a burn victims dream. I wish there were a way to harvest this stuff and give it to a burn patient. Yet, there is that grand thing called government restrictions and money that always stand in the way of a good idea. My sister has always said "Do you see wrinkles on a balloon?" She has a point! When I was blown up like a balloon I looked younger than all my skinny classmates for I had no wrinkles! Boy! That came back around to bite me in the butt. I have more wrinkles now than three of my skinny classmates! Vanity lives on!
I've seen more doctors in the last 9 months than I care to see. I've seen surgeons, sleep doctors, ob-gyns, cardiologists. My pocketbook can't handle another doctor visit. But, another visit is scheduled next week and the next. The first year of post op is definitely a roller coaster ride. It is a struggle to get up those first few hills but the the momentum takes you and before you know it the ride is over and you have to learn to coast on your own. When I think about being out here on my own with no follow ups I start feeling anxious. Right now, when you cheat alittle, it really doesn't show. You tell on yourself to your dr. and take your spanking, knowing that you will make it up in the next few days. You don't want to disappoint anyone. But life will, inevitably, bite you should you cheat. This is where my support system is going to have to step it up a notch. We are all becoming complacent. We are moving into daily living and eating. Disappointments are going to come but I'm not ready! Cheating is happening but habits do not need to happen. Some days I just want to throw caution to the wind and it is those days that I have to remind myself this is a journey, not just a trip. The days I want a coca cola are the days that I have to remember how much better I feel without them.
I guess I could always look at it as I do with other things that are in my past. I'm glad it happened for had it not happened I wouldn't be the person that I've become. And you know what, I kinda like her!
6 months post op and I'm still here!
July 9, 2011
It has been six months since my life took the most amazing turn, down the most amazing road, for an amazing journey....amazing isn't it? I've had my six month checkup and all looks good. Labwork has been drawn, weight and measurements taken. I am down 92# from my highest weight and I feel great!
So many people have said some pretty bizarre things. I realize I look different. I hope I look better....I know I can never explain the difference in the way it feels. I see an old lady that looks alot like the young lady I was 25 years ago when I started at Erlanger.
I do ask that my friends stop and think before they say anything to anyone else that may have this procedure done. Run it through your head before it comes out your mouth. Compliments are great! Even if you think "OMG HOW SKINNY!" say something like...." the weightloss sure has brought out the color of your eyes!" "Hey skinny" isn't really appropriate...that is, unless of course, you said "Hey fatty" when I was fat. "You are TOO thin" is a no no...did you say "You are TOO fat"? "I think you've lost enough weight"...really? When did you become my doctor? Are you an expert on weightloss surgery? Do you study BMI, excersise, and psychology of an overweight person? Come on people! I know I am a happy go lucky person but inside there is still a layer of feelings that you will never understand unless you've walked in a fat girl body. Know that some of your other friends that haven't been so forth coming on the procedures they have done, won't tell you for a reason. With that being said, I still am an open book. I will tell you what you want to know. I'm not shy. Be prepared for I am crass and bold.
I haven't done the "official" measurements of the month and therefore can't give you a total inches lost but I will say I have lost 6 dress sizes and can SQUEEZE into the 7th size! I can't breathe but they do zip:)! My cholesterol isn't down as far as I wanted it to be but evidently genetics are playing a bigger role than I wanted it to. I will be following up with my cardiologist on that but all the other labs are right where the doctor wants them.
I am proud of my "babies" that are coming in behind me and doing SO good! I won't call you out on fb cuz I know some of you may have crazy friends too!! LOL Hang in there for each day gets better and better! Not to mention you will see a difference as you morph into a new person all around. You are all looking SOOOOO good! I hope to see us all together next week:)
BTW Sherita I love you for being my biggest fan!!!!
It has been six months since my life took the most amazing turn, down the most amazing road, for an amazing journey....amazing isn't it? I've had my six month checkup and all looks good. Labwork has been drawn, weight and measurements taken. I am down 92# from my highest weight and I feel great!
So many people have said some pretty bizarre things. I realize I look different. I hope I look better....I know I can never explain the difference in the way it feels. I see an old lady that looks alot like the young lady I was 25 years ago when I started at Erlanger.
I do ask that my friends stop and think before they say anything to anyone else that may have this procedure done. Run it through your head before it comes out your mouth. Compliments are great! Even if you think "OMG HOW SKINNY!" say something like...." the weightloss sure has brought out the color of your eyes!" "Hey skinny" isn't really appropriate...that is, unless of course, you said "Hey fatty" when I was fat. "You are TOO thin" is a no no...did you say "You are TOO fat"? "I think you've lost enough weight"...really? When did you become my doctor? Are you an expert on weightloss surgery? Do you study BMI, excersise, and psychology of an overweight person? Come on people! I know I am a happy go lucky person but inside there is still a layer of feelings that you will never understand unless you've walked in a fat girl body. Know that some of your other friends that haven't been so forth coming on the procedures they have done, won't tell you for a reason. With that being said, I still am an open book. I will tell you what you want to know. I'm not shy. Be prepared for I am crass and bold.
I haven't done the "official" measurements of the month and therefore can't give you a total inches lost but I will say I have lost 6 dress sizes and can SQUEEZE into the 7th size! I can't breathe but they do zip:)! My cholesterol isn't down as far as I wanted it to be but evidently genetics are playing a bigger role than I wanted it to. I will be following up with my cardiologist on that but all the other labs are right where the doctor wants them.
I am proud of my "babies" that are coming in behind me and doing SO good! I won't call you out on fb cuz I know some of you may have crazy friends too!! LOL Hang in there for each day gets better and better! Not to mention you will see a difference as you morph into a new person all around. You are all looking SOOOOO good! I hope to see us all together next week:)
BTW Sherita I love you for being my biggest fan!!!!
One month surgiversary
Original date written January 25, 2011
Many of you have wondered. Many of you have asked. Many of you know but don't understand exactly what in the world I have done. I am going to do my best to explain. I've had many people ask me would I do it again....how much weight have I lost and where and who did it. I know you find it hard to believe but I'm not shy and I will tell you if you want to know. If this spurs questions ask me.
I had a surgery called Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy on December 27, 2010.
I have been up and down in weight most all of my adulthood. I was always built differently than the girls in high school and even then thought that because I wore a size 12, I was huge next to their 7s! Boy how I've longed for a 12! I remember being in the 8th grade and drinking TAB for the first time to lose "just alittle" weight! EIGHTH GRADE! Since that time I have tried diets, exercise, starvation and overeating. Nothing seemed to be working. Oh it would work for awhile but eventually you get hungry and eat, you lose and fall back into the same habits and during this time your already low self esteem takes a larger and larger hit with each "failure".
I know many people say calories in calories out but you know sometimes it just doesn't work that way. The old devil named Coca Cola was as much a drug to me as alcohol and cigarettes. And like many addicts I got the same attitudes about it. Touch my coke and DIE! Many of you know I don't like veggies and as long as there was meat, bread and a coke all was right in my world. My last coca cola was consumed December 18, 2010. Yes, I have craved them....TWICE! Christmas morning I wanted one so bad I could taste it (and I could have still drank one but didn't!) Then last week while at the Mexican restaurant all of a sudden I HAD to have one....I didn't die so I guess I didn't HAVE to.
There were many tests that I had to go through to be able to have this surgery. According to the medical community and my insurance there are certain criteria one must meet. A BMI 35-40 with co morbidites or a BMI over 40 with no co morbities. Co morbidites are conditions in which you are at risk for health problems or are already having health problems because of these. I have been on anti depressants for YEARS and anyone who has been overweight can tell you weight is alot of the depressive issues. I also was diagnosed with sleep apnea along with pre diabetes, drug controlled high cholesterol and arthritis (joint pain). Falling apart at the ripe old age of 47!
I ( as well as ALL bariatric surgery patients at Erlanger) was evaluated by a fantastic team. The bariatric nurse Kathy has "been there, done that" and speaks from first hand experience. From 299# to 145# she smiles ALL day and is so ready to help others be happy. There is a dietician, an excersise physiologist and a psychitrist that all get their turn with you to make sure you can and will be able to have the surgery. Then, the doctor: Dr Christopher Sanborn gets his shot. An informative meeting with others, presents all the different options for bariatric surgery. I can only tell you a little about all and why I chose what I chose.
Please understand that just because I've been in the medical field forever this is not any kind of medical advice but merely why I did what I did and only MY reasons.
RNY surgery is what most people know as "bypass". This is the surgery where they make a little pouch at the top of your stomach; bring the small bowel up to meet your pouch and leave the remaining portion of your stomach where he sits. I have had so many patients that have had complications with this surgery that it really scared me. Since I've been in our support group I have seen some success stories but I've seen ALOT of people gain all their weight back and then some. The pouch that is made is made from the top portion of your stomach. This is important to remember when comparing the RNY and the Sleeve as you will see.
Lap Band has become the latest and greatest to the community at large and I noticed right before surgery that GMA was talking it up. I have seen many successes with this type of bariatric surgery but again I've seen more failures. With a Lap Band, a foreign object is placed inside your body around the top portion of your stomach. Fluid is added or taken away from this device as needed to constrict or loosen the area that is being controlled. As with any weight loss surgery you are restricting what can be taken in. You have to be diligent about what you put in and you can "eat around" anything. If you have a steady stream of sugars and empty calories you WILL stay fat. You may lose eventually but without drastic changes what have you gained? (or lost in this case). The whole idea of putting something foreign in my body and expecting it to stay didn't sound good to me. What about adhesions? What about allergies? What about the fact that you may have to go over and over to the dr to have it adjusted? Too many unknowns for me to consider.
Then the infamous Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. The VSG...THE surgery for me. Notice in the other two surgeries I stated that they dealt with the top of the stomach? This is where the sleeve is so radically different.
It is hard to describe that shape of a stomach without drawing it. Let me describe it broadly as half of a drawn heart with a sloping side. In the top portion of this heart a hormone called ghrelin is made. This is "the hunger" hormone. This portion is left behind with a Lap Band AND the RNY. If someone is going to the pain, the psychological roller coaster, the whole life style change that bariatric surgery entails, why leave the hormone maker behind that is going to sabotage you? Yes, studies have shown that the body does regenerate this hormone around 2 years after surgery but in 2 year I hope to have my habits in place and the last thing I want to worry about it hunger. I have 24 months to get my life in order. How much time do the RNY and Lap patients have? None....they still produce this hormone the day they entered the hospital and the day they leave...they take it home.
RNY and Lap Band are both reversible. There is a way out. An escape plan if you will. The VSG is permanent and drastic. They remove 3/4 of the stomach leaving only a "sleeve" looking stomach. This new and improved stomach only holds 4 to 6 ounces at one time. I am to eat three meals a day and water or sugar free fluids throughout the day. I am unable to drink these fluids thirty minutes prior to eating my meal and thirty minutes after my meal. If you think this is an easy way out...try not drinking thirty mins before and 30 mins after your meal and eat only 4 ounces of food when you do eat your meal. I challenge everyone reading this to do it ONE meal. Throughout the course of the day I must ingest 75g of protein and I must make sure and CHEW my vitamins, calcium, iron and B12.
Now for the ugly truth. My highest weight was 213# on my 5'3" frame. REALLY??? TWO HUNDRED THIRTEEN!!! I saw the surgeon at 206.8#. How could I not make a choice to save my life? I have children that depend on me, a husband that loves me and parents that are healthy that I want to outlive. As of this morning (Monday)....exactly 4 weeks since surgery I weighed in at 174#! The five measurements I have taken were compared this a.m. and I have lost 14 inches! My goal weight is 110# and I KNOW a lot of you are telling me that is TOO little. Well, it may be and I may never make that goal but it is still in the healthy range for my frame and my husband and I have promised one another, if I start to look like a booble head, I WILL eat a cheeseburger! LOL I doubt that the bobble head will ever emerge and really it is only 8# less than my lowest high school weight. As long as I become healthy, the goal doesn't necessarily define me.
There is a huge learning curve and this by far has not been easy. Sometimes I feel life isn't fair, but really, what is? Sometimes, I'm finally one of those people who "forget to eat"! NEVER thought people like that were normal....oh wait that's me now! LOL I miss my food until I go to swallow and I've about decided that I don't miss it...it misses me!! It begs me to eat it and I"m getting strong enough to say NO WAY! This has taught me that the surgery is not an easy way out. There is nothing easy about this. There is more work involved here than I think people realize. Try measuring, weighing, not drinking, excersing, and doing your usual busy schedule and see how you feel. Add to these things being post op, emotional and not feeling "normal" to the mix and then you can board my roller coaster.
I've been through ALOT of tough things in my life. 99% of the time I beat the tough things down. That 1% weight devil is now being pulverized and man does it feel good! Can't wait to excerise EVERYHING and beat those ole jigglies. My 50th birthday present is going to be plastic surgery IF I need it. There will be no more jiggilers in my life. I can float just fine in a pool without them. I am tired of wasting money on drugs that I don't need and bigger and bigger clothes. I am already saving money on food and medicine so imagine when I get the hang of this! I may be able to send Hunter to college:) I will save on the medical expenses and after the initial clothes purchase there will be money in my pocket...sounds intriguing doesn't it?
There you have it....everything in black and white and probably more than you would ever want to know. I have answered the personal message questions and will continue to do so. Again, anyone who knows me knows I'm not shy and if you want to know I will tell you. Easy? no. Exciting? yes. BRING ON THE QUESTIONS
Many of you have wondered. Many of you have asked. Many of you know but don't understand exactly what in the world I have done. I am going to do my best to explain. I've had many people ask me would I do it again....how much weight have I lost and where and who did it. I know you find it hard to believe but I'm not shy and I will tell you if you want to know. If this spurs questions ask me.
I had a surgery called Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy on December 27, 2010.
I have been up and down in weight most all of my adulthood. I was always built differently than the girls in high school and even then thought that because I wore a size 12, I was huge next to their 7s! Boy how I've longed for a 12! I remember being in the 8th grade and drinking TAB for the first time to lose "just alittle" weight! EIGHTH GRADE! Since that time I have tried diets, exercise, starvation and overeating. Nothing seemed to be working. Oh it would work for awhile but eventually you get hungry and eat, you lose and fall back into the same habits and during this time your already low self esteem takes a larger and larger hit with each "failure".
I know many people say calories in calories out but you know sometimes it just doesn't work that way. The old devil named Coca Cola was as much a drug to me as alcohol and cigarettes. And like many addicts I got the same attitudes about it. Touch my coke and DIE! Many of you know I don't like veggies and as long as there was meat, bread and a coke all was right in my world. My last coca cola was consumed December 18, 2010. Yes, I have craved them....TWICE! Christmas morning I wanted one so bad I could taste it (and I could have still drank one but didn't!) Then last week while at the Mexican restaurant all of a sudden I HAD to have one....I didn't die so I guess I didn't HAVE to.
There were many tests that I had to go through to be able to have this surgery. According to the medical community and my insurance there are certain criteria one must meet. A BMI 35-40 with co morbidites or a BMI over 40 with no co morbities. Co morbidites are conditions in which you are at risk for health problems or are already having health problems because of these. I have been on anti depressants for YEARS and anyone who has been overweight can tell you weight is alot of the depressive issues. I also was diagnosed with sleep apnea along with pre diabetes, drug controlled high cholesterol and arthritis (joint pain). Falling apart at the ripe old age of 47!
I ( as well as ALL bariatric surgery patients at Erlanger) was evaluated by a fantastic team. The bariatric nurse Kathy has "been there, done that" and speaks from first hand experience. From 299# to 145# she smiles ALL day and is so ready to help others be happy. There is a dietician, an excersise physiologist and a psychitrist that all get their turn with you to make sure you can and will be able to have the surgery. Then, the doctor: Dr Christopher Sanborn gets his shot. An informative meeting with others, presents all the different options for bariatric surgery. I can only tell you a little about all and why I chose what I chose.
Please understand that just because I've been in the medical field forever this is not any kind of medical advice but merely why I did what I did and only MY reasons.
RNY surgery is what most people know as "bypass". This is the surgery where they make a little pouch at the top of your stomach; bring the small bowel up to meet your pouch and leave the remaining portion of your stomach where he sits. I have had so many patients that have had complications with this surgery that it really scared me. Since I've been in our support group I have seen some success stories but I've seen ALOT of people gain all their weight back and then some. The pouch that is made is made from the top portion of your stomach. This is important to remember when comparing the RNY and the Sleeve as you will see.
Lap Band has become the latest and greatest to the community at large and I noticed right before surgery that GMA was talking it up. I have seen many successes with this type of bariatric surgery but again I've seen more failures. With a Lap Band, a foreign object is placed inside your body around the top portion of your stomach. Fluid is added or taken away from this device as needed to constrict or loosen the area that is being controlled. As with any weight loss surgery you are restricting what can be taken in. You have to be diligent about what you put in and you can "eat around" anything. If you have a steady stream of sugars and empty calories you WILL stay fat. You may lose eventually but without drastic changes what have you gained? (or lost in this case). The whole idea of putting something foreign in my body and expecting it to stay didn't sound good to me. What about adhesions? What about allergies? What about the fact that you may have to go over and over to the dr to have it adjusted? Too many unknowns for me to consider.
Then the infamous Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. The VSG...THE surgery for me. Notice in the other two surgeries I stated that they dealt with the top of the stomach? This is where the sleeve is so radically different.
It is hard to describe that shape of a stomach without drawing it. Let me describe it broadly as half of a drawn heart with a sloping side. In the top portion of this heart a hormone called ghrelin is made. This is "the hunger" hormone. This portion is left behind with a Lap Band AND the RNY. If someone is going to the pain, the psychological roller coaster, the whole life style change that bariatric surgery entails, why leave the hormone maker behind that is going to sabotage you? Yes, studies have shown that the body does regenerate this hormone around 2 years after surgery but in 2 year I hope to have my habits in place and the last thing I want to worry about it hunger. I have 24 months to get my life in order. How much time do the RNY and Lap patients have? None....they still produce this hormone the day they entered the hospital and the day they leave...they take it home.
RNY and Lap Band are both reversible. There is a way out. An escape plan if you will. The VSG is permanent and drastic. They remove 3/4 of the stomach leaving only a "sleeve" looking stomach. This new and improved stomach only holds 4 to 6 ounces at one time. I am to eat three meals a day and water or sugar free fluids throughout the day. I am unable to drink these fluids thirty minutes prior to eating my meal and thirty minutes after my meal. If you think this is an easy way out...try not drinking thirty mins before and 30 mins after your meal and eat only 4 ounces of food when you do eat your meal. I challenge everyone reading this to do it ONE meal. Throughout the course of the day I must ingest 75g of protein and I must make sure and CHEW my vitamins, calcium, iron and B12.
Now for the ugly truth. My highest weight was 213# on my 5'3" frame. REALLY??? TWO HUNDRED THIRTEEN!!! I saw the surgeon at 206.8#. How could I not make a choice to save my life? I have children that depend on me, a husband that loves me and parents that are healthy that I want to outlive. As of this morning (Monday)....exactly 4 weeks since surgery I weighed in at 174#! The five measurements I have taken were compared this a.m. and I have lost 14 inches! My goal weight is 110# and I KNOW a lot of you are telling me that is TOO little. Well, it may be and I may never make that goal but it is still in the healthy range for my frame and my husband and I have promised one another, if I start to look like a booble head, I WILL eat a cheeseburger! LOL I doubt that the bobble head will ever emerge and really it is only 8# less than my lowest high school weight. As long as I become healthy, the goal doesn't necessarily define me.
There is a huge learning curve and this by far has not been easy. Sometimes I feel life isn't fair, but really, what is? Sometimes, I'm finally one of those people who "forget to eat"! NEVER thought people like that were normal....oh wait that's me now! LOL I miss my food until I go to swallow and I've about decided that I don't miss it...it misses me!! It begs me to eat it and I"m getting strong enough to say NO WAY! This has taught me that the surgery is not an easy way out. There is nothing easy about this. There is more work involved here than I think people realize. Try measuring, weighing, not drinking, excersing, and doing your usual busy schedule and see how you feel. Add to these things being post op, emotional and not feeling "normal" to the mix and then you can board my roller coaster.
I've been through ALOT of tough things in my life. 99% of the time I beat the tough things down. That 1% weight devil is now being pulverized and man does it feel good! Can't wait to excerise EVERYHING and beat those ole jigglies. My 50th birthday present is going to be plastic surgery IF I need it. There will be no more jiggilers in my life. I can float just fine in a pool without them. I am tired of wasting money on drugs that I don't need and bigger and bigger clothes. I am already saving money on food and medicine so imagine when I get the hang of this! I may be able to send Hunter to college:) I will save on the medical expenses and after the initial clothes purchase there will be money in my pocket...sounds intriguing doesn't it?
There you have it....everything in black and white and probably more than you would ever want to know. I have answered the personal message questions and will continue to do so. Again, anyone who knows me knows I'm not shy and if you want to know I will tell you. Easy? no. Exciting? yes. BRING ON THE QUESTIONS
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