Another milestone has passed and evidently I have passed with flying colors!
Yesterday was my 18 month surgiversary and another visit to the surgeon. I was weighed, measured and asked the usual questions only to be told I am right where he wanted me! I knew that already....that was the goal! I did tell him that I had been fighting my brain but I think anyone who has had this surgery will tell you that it will be a battle to be fought til the day we die. Not only do I have to fight my brain but my mouth. I know some of you find that SO hard to believe!
I have MANY friends and relatives that have had this surgery or bariatric surgery of some kind and it tears me up to see AND hear what is happening. I have to remind myself that my journey is mine and their journey is theirs. Human nature makes us think that our opinion really matters when it really doesn't. I'm also reminded that body composition, DNA and life circumstances vary from person to person and that what was/is good for me or how it happens to me isn't necessarily how it happens for others.
While I have been far from a saint on this journey everyone knows that coca colas are my weakness. I dream in red and white. I bathe in caramel colored carbonated water. At this stage of the game I am beating that old devil down and winning! I refuse to let it win over me. So when I see a fellow patient drinking a carbonated drink I shiver. It isn't any of my business! Honestly, I really wished it could be me that sips one but to think of the addiction, the headache, the tummy ache AND the weight that would come back...NO THANK YOU! The reaction isn't worth the action.
While yes, I've eaten some biscuits, they are few and far between. How anyone that has had their tummies ripped from their body can eat one with sausage in the mornings is beyond me. There isn't room in there and I feel like crap after 2 bites. Again, worth it? NOPE. My mouth drools at breads and when they are in my mouth I am temporarily in love but it is like a bad marriage...not worth those temporary feelings. It is the long lasting, satisfying feelings in which I am searching.
Then there are those "it's a great deal" things. You know, the buffets, the roo cups, the sale items in the bakery. Just because they are a "good deal" doesn't mean they are "good for you". While an occasional treat is awesome and we all deserve it we really shouldn't keep going back to that treat. Heck yes, I've had a slushie. I've had sweet tea. But I don't keep a cup in my car that I can refill anytime for twenty five cents, and no one can beat Bailey's sweet tea. Luckily our bi monthly trip isn't a weekly trip. My husband loves buffets. I've ALWAYS hated them. Now, I have an awesome excuse of what a waste of money it would be for me to even walk into a place like that.
I've eaten so much chicken that I am pretty sure I cluck in my sleep. If anyone should see me in my yard scratching please find me some professional help! I never thought that beef wouldn't be my protein of choice. After all, my granddaddy raised both chickens and cows and I've seen the cleaner of the two. It isn't the chicken! Baked chicken, broiled chicken, fried chicken, chicken teriyaki, chicken nuggets, chicken, chicken, chicken. (Bubba Gump got nothing on me!) Some may be thinking FRIED??? Yes, I do eat fried chicken. I also do not eat those biscuits and potatoes that are served with it. Nor do I eat the dark more fatty meat. There is a trade off somewhere.
Oh...another soapbox. Drinking when I eat. For those of you who think I've lost my mind and might choke to death I am not supposed to drink AND eat. I can choose. Do I want to drink OR do I want to eat. Usually I choose to eat. Waitresses look at me like I have six heads. It has become laughable because I've perfected the "no, stupid, I said I wanted NOTHING" look when asked "are you sure?" for the third time. My family still gets me a glass of ice but they are getting used to it too. I've seen several patients drinking AND eating. Again, I am not living THEIR journey, yet I don't feel they should complain. If you haven't lost the weight you wanted to lose, have you done the program the way you've been instructed?
We have an awesome cheerleader in Kathy Freeman, RN. She had to live through hell and had very little support to lose her weight. She knows what works and what doesn't. She is always open to new suggestions and will research any idea that might help us. I would really like to know how she maintains her composure when someone complains they haven't been losing and she asked about their food dairy. Yes, I am a VERY lucky girl. I come from little stock. My mom is tiny and my father isn't a large man by most men standards, so maybe I have an advantage. That advantage doesn't apply when there are choices to be made. It just means when I make the same choices as others, it may affect me differently.
Well, by the looks of this blog today it seems I've been holding on to a hostile feeling or two!! LOL They are out now. I really am happy with my progress and can only pray it continues. I am going to turn loose of those feelings that I have when someone complains they aren't losing as they should. I resign myself to smiling and saying "Oh? I'm sorry" and move on. NOT MY JOURNEY! My journey includes some work and some rewards....a balancing act. Should I fall I have great friends, nurses and family that will help pick me up (or keep me from scratching the yard) and get me jump started again. I LOVE MY LIFE!
