You Can’t Make Old Friends…..but new ones can bring joy.

I’ve gone on and on about how wonderful my circle of friends are many times. I know I’ve said it so many times many of you are sick of hearing it or, admit it, you’re jealous. My facebook is full of little friend snippets.

I was wearing my SURVIVOR shirt last week when riding the motorcycle. It was from a women’s conference where one of the speaker’s had a book there called Beyond Betrayal. It was about friendship betrayal and it resonated so loudly for me. When Ryan asked me what I had survived I told him “friend betrayal” and I was on the other side of that nonsense thank goodness.

One week later what happens? I’m hanging at the pool with some “newer” (less than 5 years) friends this weekend and I receive a text from the betrayer!!!!! I haven’t heard from her but one time in the last year!! Imagine my shock. From this friend, I learned more about addiction than I ever wanted to know. I learned more about heartache than anyone should have to learn. I learned that it doesn’t matter how much you will someone to be better and do better it just won’t happen because YOU want it. They have to want to do better and be better. Words mean so little when the actions behind them speak louder. 

The words that were spewed at me over the years tore at my heart but were always followed by an apology or explanation of  the “disease”. Remember the sticks and stones rhyme? I found where my mom had written about sticks and stones…. To paraphrase  “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will suck the life right from me and the joy from my heart. Please break my bones” How this changed my outlook when I found it. Mom “got it”. If anything I’ve learned from the words that have been hurled at me over the last 20 years it has been this “says more about you than it does about me”. This became my motto.

Your words may hurt me, but quickly I realize hurt people, hurt people. It is about them, not me. When someone intentionally is trying to hurt me, I have learned I can write them off and never look back. It has taken almost 15 years but yesterday, I finally was able to wipe that slate clean of that last little bit of hurt that I was holding. When the flag of true colors flew high one more time, I took a deep breath, looked at the pool where I was sitting, I listened to the voices of my friends that had impressed my weekend and realized, I may not be able to make OLD friends but I can make new ones with the potential of longevity. 

I will admit I flashed PISSED! I was hurt, mad, and looking for a smart ass answer. But as soon as it flashed, a calmness took over and a rational “I’m not allowing this” attitude took over. I responded appropriately, put my phone down and continued with my wonderful weekend in the sun. 

Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers’ “You can’t Make Old Friends” comes on while riding the motorcycle and I will inevitably pat Ryan or he pats me and I just harmonizes to the tops of my lungs. It means so much to me that he is one of those old friends. I have made so many new friends through him and the motorcycle. I have friends like Melanie Millican Chapman that I have had since I was 2 years old. She is never farther than a text or phone call away and I for her. If you know me, you know my BFF is my ride or die and my second appendage. We go a pretty good way back….25 years Kim?? I adore my old friends. I can NEVER and would never WANT to try and replace my old friends. But, watch out world…new things are coming….these times they are a changin’. 

Even though my hearing impairment has closed my world A LOT, I learned this weekend there ARE people willing to get to know me for me. People willing to take the time and turn to speak where I can see and read their lips. Not only were friends of friends on motorcycles learning me now there are others! Slowly, I may try to open my world back up. It had been a sad and lonely existence at times, when the hearing world started shutting me out. I realize it started within my own home. The person in my home wasn’t accommodating. I began to think others would be the same. I started seeing the world with glasses that were smudged. I took those sticks and stones to heart. I believed what I was feeling from the words spoken or the lack thereof. I was believing in those actions that were shown and thinking the whole world was going to be like this. I’ve been hearing impaired the last 25 years. Why has it taken this long? 

My last blog seemed to be along these lines. I believed all this “enlightenment” was supposed to have happened in my 40s. Guess I’ve been a little busy instead of being cultured…..ok…I’m not yogurt. Did yall see that squirrel?