Just when you think that life has gotten out of control, God will show you that even though your life is out of control it IS funny! Thus, the story of us........
Taylor has been house sitting for a friend. These said friends have animals that must be attended to or the house could sit itself. Sunday eve Taylor and I head over to the house to make sure Winter, the Great Pyrenees puppy has something to eat. Mind you this puppy is HUGE and all pup. Crazy pup that loves to jump and play. As daddy says "it is all fun and games until someone gets hurt". Well, with the large scratch on my arm I guess that someone was me.
Along with Winter was the cat. In true cat fashion, when we showed up the cat disappeared. We did see it but then....poof! It was a good thing because neither Taylor nor I can be around them due to allergies. I love them but know my limits....cat fed.
Winter, the cat and bunnies! Yes, bunnies. Cute, cuddly bunnies....and LOTS of them. I think it is true what is said about bunnies too....don't look away....there will be more bunnies when you look back. We tried to count but were unsuccessful. Food for Winter, check. Food for cat, check. Food for bunnies, check. Moving on.....
Chickens..... anyone that knows me well, knows that I was raised around chickens. My granddaddy had laying hens. Tens of thousands of laying hens. We gathered eggs, fed and watered chickens until 1989 or so. I can go by a chicken house and most people say "SHHHHEEEEWWWW" I smell and smile because I think about my granddaddy. He would have said it smelled like money to him. I never thought anything about chickens, cows, horses. What I didn't like was the garden and picking blackberries. Chickens....I got this. Taylor said we needed to get the chickens into their pen. I knew that wouldn't be a problem. I'm a chicken girl, chickens come home to roost. Sure enough...chickens were in their house....all but one.....cue the suspenseful music.
This chicken had sorta gone home to roost. She was sitting on top of the house. We got closer and that was the biggest danged chicken I had ever seen! The talons on this thing were HUGE! All I could hear was my daddy in my ear "that thing will flog you!" Flog nothing! I was afraid of being clawed to death! Pecking and flapping only hurts for a minute. Ripped off skin lasts a few days. The giggling started when I tried to shoo her in...yes, like "shoo chicken, get in your house!" Needless to say she looked at me like "yeah, right!" I reached toward her and she cackled, flapped her wings and got Winter in an uproar. That's all it took she tried to take flight and couldn't, the chase was on and Winter was going to win. We started yelling at Winter and the crazy chicken ran into the coop. Whew.... chickens in, fed and watered. Let's go.
Not so fast....not going to happen. We must first shut the garage door. We looked like the three stooges standing out there with a door that was going up and down, up and down, up and down. If Winter could only talk I know that dog was calling us names. Now, I love me some country. I love the smell of the air, the sounds of the crickets and tree frogs. But this is someone else's house and we got to go. FINALLY, I don't know how, but we succeeded in getting the door at just the right opening for the ever elusive cat.
Taylor decides the next two night will be spent there tending the house and the menagerie of animals. Little did she know what lurked behind door number two.... Hump Daaaaaaaay!
Tuesday night I get a call from a slightly nervous, apprehensive daughter. She is distraught over this chicken. Not one of the chickens but THE CHICKEN. Miss Talon herself. Again, she is sitting on the coop while the rest have settled into their naps. She must be a gatekeeper. Taylor has tried to shoo her into the pen but once again the bird and the dog (who must speak in code to one another) had other ideas for Taylor. The bird hits the ground running as does this giant puppy and the race is on! Taylor calls me and this is what I hear (insert slightly panicked and breathless voice) "Mom, Winter chased the chicken and I think she is under my car!" I, in all my chicken wisdom, try to impart words of wisdom and calm. I tell her to put Winter up and get the chicken out from under her car. Let me clarify something here....it was dark....roughly 10:00 pm and those chickens should have been long asleep. Didn't that chicken know that it had to get up early this morning? I told her to call me back and let me know how it went. The call never came. Before going to bed I called and she stated the chicken wasn't under her car and she had no idea where it could be.
Well, here is the "God's creatures know how to take care of themselves" speech. I tell her not to be upset and hopefully by morning she will find ole Miss Talon sitting on top of the pen clucking(laughing) at the others that they were "cooped up" all night. Goodnights were shared and thus we shall await the morn.
Fast forward to hump daaaaaaaay. I speak with Taylor and she lets me know she will be in the hood getting her shots and she may stop and see me. I had no thoughts of grandeur but sometimes I do get the occasional surprise from my children. No visit....but a phone call comes in.... "Mom........" "yes, Taylor?" "I'm at Kohls and I think I've found the chicken". Oh NO! I'm thinking bloody chicken under the hood. I'm thinking she is standing in the parking lot with blood everywhere and the passerbys wonder who she has hit with her car. I asked if it was a bloody mess and she states "no, I hear it....It is STILL ALIVE!" Great! Now what oh wonderful chicken woman! I tell her I will be there in a minute and I gather a box and laugh myself out the door. Sure enough....LIVE CHICKEN!
She doesn't have the hood up. It has stopped raining, and there stands my baby girl nervously laughing. Surely she isn't expecting me to be serious now I hope. She points to her rear tire and says it is in there. Sure enough Miss Talon has taken roost on the rear axle of Taylor's new car. It was a sight! She had driven from way out on Keith Road to Gunbarrel with a chicken! It was unbelievable. I'm sure this poor little thing is a carcass. Nope, she cocks that head and low and behold clucks at me! I'm uncontrollably laughing thinking to myself that only me or my family members could have this happen and absolutely no one will believe us.
After much poking and prodding with an umbrella it is determined that this old girl isn't budging. I was afraid she had a leg or wing stuck in the wheel. She flapped and cackled but would not come off that axle. I noticed some missing feathers and then began to think this poor thing is going to need some counseling after all this trauma. She won't get out of this without some PTSD.
It begins to rain and I've run out of ideas. Taylor decides we can do better across the street at my work under the portico and I ask her to call her brother. He has a pretty good head on his shoulders. Let's hear his ideas. I figure she has axle ridden more than 20 miles another 2 tenths won't hurt her. I called maintenance in on the scene to see if they can shed some ideas but all I got were unbelief and laughs. We had patients and staff all out to see the chicken lady. When in swoops Hunter, his work gloves on to rescue either his sister, or the chicken.
He gets down and says, in his deepest voice, "I got this" then he stares at those talons. "HOLY COW" he said this thing is HUGE! The nerves set in and he looks to his mom for reassurance. I have none. He is right she IS huge! Alas, mom pulls through and let's him know that if he can get a hold of both feet the pecking is nothing. I've been there. NO PROBLEM! After much laughter and cajoling, supervision and skill, the chicken is removed and placed in a box.....ALIVE! I couldn't believe my eyes. She was alive.
I'm hoping the video of the day will post here so you will see this is no fish story. It is a real, true life chicken tale. I do have to say that while I was getting a little hungry I had to wait on lunch a bit. On the menu for today....chicken. And yes, I did!
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