Happy New Year's 2016

     Here we are into a new year already and we wonder where did the last one go?  If the reader is anything like me they have no clue. I’m pretty sure it was here but I went to sleep and poof, just like that, gone.

     2015 held lots of doctor appointments and too much food. Of course, as a former fatty, anything over 1000 calories is too much food. Since my bariatric surgery I’ve experienced every kind of red flag there could be to stop the madness. I’ve been sick to my stomach after eating. I’ve been nauseated at the thought of food. I’ve even put food in my mouth and thought it multiplied before I could get it chewed up and swallowed. None of these flags were met and challenged. This year I challenge every one of them.

     The fat girl is still inside no matter what size I may be at the beginning of each year. There is always something that she wants and this past year I tried to appease her. But, just like our children, it isn’t always good just to pacify. You have to work and make the problem better. I won’t say fix it but I will say improve on it. No one has to point out the obvious nor does anyone need to be whisper about the “weight gain”. Just like anyone looking at me, I see it too. I have mirrors in my house and unfortunately when you don’t want to see things those mirrors show it to you anyway.

     Before my surgery, Dr Sanborn told me, “surgery is not a fix it, it is a tool to help”. He was and is 100% correct. It fixed nothing. The brain is as fat as ever. For some crazy reason I refused the help this year. Now, I am reaching my hand up once again and pulling myself up. While I’ve never been shy to tell my story sometimes it can get a little personal. If something I say, do, or write about should help ONE woman, then it is worth putting it out there. If something I say, do, or write about makes ONE woman stop and realize she is worth far more than she realizes, it is worth it.

     In 2014 I almost lost my best girlfriend in the whole world and let me tell you if anything should have put me in my place it should have been that. It wasn’t. I comforted with food. I have taken my mother to have chemo once a month for almost the entire year of 2015. One would think I have it all under control, but evidently I am comforting with food. My father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s disease. Guess what Daddy’s girl has been doing…. Comforting with food. My husband and I both have worked two jobs all year and it must be stressful because it seems I’ve comforted myself with food. Our marriage almost imploded and I guarantee you I comforted with food. I’ve held hands of my children, of my patients and of my friends while their sorrows pour out and while I was holding it together outwardly, I was comforting with food. None of this, of course, is obvious until I sit and reflect honestly.

     The devil saw a chink in my armor and he weaseled his way back in. He saw I would partake of M&Ms on occasion and all of a sudden the addictive personality in me took over and sugar became an issue. I never cared for chocolate much before surgery. I could always take it or leave it. Sweets weren’t my “thing”. Coca Cola, now that is a different story. Sweet tea became the new red devil in 2015. I haven’t had a coke in 5 years as of December 18 but sweet tea has taken over. Who needs cokes? Addiction is addiction regardless of what form it takes. Sugar is sugar, whether it is cokes, chocolate, bread or the plain ole white stuff you put in your tea.

      So many of us make those New Year’s resolutions and many don’t keep them. This is why I started in December. December is a beginning month for me. I began life in December. My fresh start on life with bariatrics was in December. My last coke was in December and now my sweet tea has taken a hike this December. 2016 is shaping into a work out, lower sugar year. I refuse to say I won’t have any sugar because if and when I do, I don’t need the guilt of “failing”. I am being held accountable daily and prayed for by many. I am going to speak out loud my short term goal today.

       My 2016 goal is work out more, get my heart pumping, stay off the tea and lose 6 pounds before the next Disney trip in February. I’m starting with a little obtainable goal and hoping that by putting it out here it will be an incentive to keep moving forward. This blog after all, is all about the journey, my journey. It isn’t the way anyone else would travel their journey. But, if there is some benefit to the reader then by all means take it and run. You have a kindred spirit right here. I will be more than willing to help, pray, scream or whatever you need to stay on the path you have set for yourself. By helping others, I help myself. Lord knows I need all the help I can get! Happy New Year’s!!!!! Jog through your journey and enjoy every minute.