Mama

     As I sit in the dark, light streaming in from the hall, I’m watching my mother as her ragged breaths rise and fall in her chest. You always know the day will come. You know and prepare as much as you can. But until you have walked “through the valley of the shadow of death” do you understand the stillness. 

     The oxygen machine becomes white noise and an occasional noise escapes my mom, otherwise, stillness. Knowing beyond a doubt my mom has a heavenly home, stillness. Psalm 46:10 “Be STILL and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”

     Mom wanted to go home end of the week. She was up to it but the house wasn’t ready for her. I had the whole summer/winter switch out happening. I promised her I would take her home Tuesday (tomorrow). Little did I realize that mama may not have known it at the time, but home is where she is headed. It isn’t on my “tomorrow” schedule but sure seems like she has let the station without me. She didn’t care if I had a mess or not. She has a trip planned. Seems home isn’t Marshall Drive this trip.

     We have all expected this for several years but mom just kept rallying. Daddy passed and we knew mom was going to be right behind him. NOPE. COVID kept her away from us for more than 370 days but she made the best of it while we struggled. COVID knocked her down one time but not for long. Three years ago the cardiologist said she “MIGHT” have 2 years left with her leaky valve. Her response to him was “as long as I live 24 hours longer than LeBron”. Well, she has and then some.

    I will be here for my mama just as she has been throughout my life. Good or bad, easy or hard we went together. There are lots of funny stories to tell about mom that will be coming later. For now, I’m sitting in the stillness but not alone.

Disney travel

Yesterday started so early heading to the Atl airport after 3.5 hrs of sleep. I had a few firsts…. While I still got the pat down and the bag search, the TSA actually went by pretty quick and they didn’t destroy the entire contents of my bag. I get on the plane and immediately there was a “middle” front row seat. MORE leg room for this stupid brace! I’ve never sat front row nor have I ever sat middle seat between two strangers. Thankfully, the young girl on one side and a nice looking guy on the other made the 1:15 hr trip nice….. quiet and didn’t stink! SCORE! Plane lands and I’m first off the plane! Wow   That was a weird first. 

Met up with my travel agent Taylor Whitson - Off to Neverland Travel in Orlando. I love when business meets pleasure. I would never be able to navigate Disney now. The electronic need is a must and sooo many things have changed. Again, travel agent! If you don’t have a Disney specialist in your phone and you go to Disney you are not making the most of your money. There is no way to know all the ins and outs required and the things one is missing. 

We love the food and wine festival and here we are! France is by far the winner with three of our favorite things. The Grand Marnier Orange Slush, the Briche aux Escargot and The Beignet aux Trois Fromages are worth the trip alone. Canada’s filet never misses! The Appleseed Orchard had a flight that included a Blake’s Hard Cider Co. Saint Chéri Bourbon Barrel Aged Cherry that was nothing like it sounds. It was a great celebratory drink in my book. The bubbles kept me from enjoying more than a few sips but I could see where this would be a glass of goodness.  

I pushed through on a body that is yelling to stop and I’m so glad I didn’t! We had virtual que spots for Guardians of the Galaxy Cosmic Rewind. In a word: WOW!! In more words….. Holy Smokes! Incredible! Amazing! Beyond expectations and belief. I was so glad I went in blind. I hadn’t heard anything about the ride and Taylor hadn’t either. What a great surprise it was for us. 

The rain started and we never care. We were wet and were having the time of our lives. Hopped over to Magic Kingdom for fireworks. We were hoping the rain didn’t “dampen” the fun but they went on as scheduled. One can never go wrong ending their day with Magic. 

Our day however, was not over. Back over to Coronado to Three Bridges Bar and their infamous corn dip. Taylor had praised this stuff until I thought I would be eating liquid gold. That wasn’t to be. It was ok, but I’m only writing in the blog about it and not home. I had a dip called Warm Manchego and Oaxaca Cheese Dip. It had chorizo and peppers on top. It was appetizing but my feet and legs were begging. 

Anyone who has stayed on a Disney property knows the places are huge. The amount of walking is insane. Thus the 22,000 steps I had yesterday. By the time I crawled into bed my feet were unbelievably swollen. My feet haven’t looked like that since I was pregnant! The snoring was inevitable and it seems I did not disappoint. At least the beds are comfy. There is a ceiling fan in the room and rest means more fun for the next day!

Don’t you get that dog!

    “Don’t get that dog” are usually the last words a mom says to her child before a new dog comes to take up residence. I’m pretty sure there were many more words like “you don’t need that dog.” Maybe something like “you can’t keep up with your life and the life of a puppy”, or “you can’t afford a dog.” Guess what happened? You got it……a puppy, aka a granddog. 

    Taylor wanted a puppy as she was off at college and missing our Lexi girl. How she found the ONE girl in ONE of her classes that just happened to have a Pomeranian/Yorkie mix, I’ll never know. She brought Naila home the next time she visited. She was named Naila (sounds like NahLah) after Nala on The Lion King as this little puppy purred. No lie! She made the cutest little noise when she was playing. She sounded like Nala. As with any puppy, the puppy breath was intoxicating and I thought she was adorable. My mother, not so much. Mom said that was the ugliest puppy she had ever seen. She was one of a kind and if you had ever been in her presence you knew it. She could win over anyone with those big brown eyes. Naila…not mama :)

    Lexi took her right in and was going to train her well. It wasn’t long before little Naila decided she would bark all day while Taylor was in class. This didn’t sit well with the other apartment dwellers. It was then we knew she was “special”. She came to live with Granna and Pops in hopes Lexi could teach her how to act. This was when this Granna said “you leave this dog with me longer than 6 weeks and she becomes mine.” I told Taylor I was NOT going to love this dog for I had Lexi, who was the queen of my heart. Boy, did I eat those words. Naila traveled back and forth from Ringgold to Jacksonville several times and had severe car sickness. It was a guarantee something was coming up or out with each trip. I don’t know when it finally stopped but I was so thankful it did because she loved to go. 

    Naila had to be first and only from day one. I had to explain to her the alpha was Lexi as Lexi was so gentle she wasn’t going to stand her ground. Naila would steal Lexi’s balls, toys and first spot out the door. The cray puppy even decided sitting on Lexi, by my side, was better than sitting anywhere else in the house. Lexi let her. Lexi was already diabetic when Naila came and it wasn’t too long before her eyesight started going. Naila then became the caregiver as well as she could and still have ADHD.

    I have never seen a dog with ADHD but I am here to say Naila wrote the book on it. She would stand at the door letting us know she had to do her “business” outside. I would let her out, she would sniff a second and then something would catch her attention. She had forgotten why she was outside. She was known for coming in the house after being outside and peeing right then and there.

    Five years ago Lexi had finally gone as far as she could go and we escorted her to the rainbow bridge. Naila looked for here for a long time. We took her to Lexi’s grave and she would sit right on top of her like she knew she was there. It was kinda like “assume the position”. Naila then became the only child.

    Everyone is aware of the only child syndrome and then multiply that by she lived with her grandparents. She was SPOILED. She got separation anxiety after we lost Lexi and it was something no one would ever believe unless they had seen it with their own eyes. This crazy dog would run back and forth CONTINUOUSLY the entire time I was gone. I wouldn’t matter how long or how short I was gone. She ran door to gate, gate to door, to the couch, to the door. It was heartbreaking watching her on the security camera. I was so thankful to have a BFF in Kim that loved Naila as much as we did and she opened her house to Naila to stay with her while she worked from home. Another grandparent to spoil that dog. SMH 

    Naila played ball better than most 7 year olds. She could catch the ball in the air with no problem. She could run fast considering those legs were little. She would chase anything that moved but never caught a thing. Swimming really wasn’t her thing but if I was in the water she would get in with me. She liked visiting Granny at the nursing home and soaked up all the loving mama would hand out to her. It was after the first year that mom decided she was a cute dog but still called her ole ugly for years. Naila never liked anyone that would try to smack at me, hug me or kiss me. She was the only girl in my world according to her. She never liked getting groomed but was such a cute thing we wanted to see that face. She was a great bed buddy and I have missed her terribly every night I crawl in without her. 

    Forty three years I have been responsible for an animal, a child or a husband. Most times it was all of the above at the same time. There is no husband and the children have homes and families of their own. Being the caregiver I am, I have had a hard time giving it up. I loved that little fur ball and told her that many times over the weekend. She had no doubt she was loved as she was spoiled better than most human children. 

    As she took her last breaths, I whispered words in her ear. I asked her to tell Lexi and Daddy I would see them soon. I soaked her fur with tears as Kim tried to stay strong for both of us. I took in her smell and rubbed my face on her. We printed her nose and paw along with clippings of her fur. I will remember her smell just as I have Lexi’s for the last five years. She was a special dog and I have sure been missing her. We lost Lexi five years ago August and now Naila in August. Can we just skip over the month of August from here on out? I won’t be getting another animal and will probably be traveling a lot more. I had three of the best friends a girl could ever ask for in Babe (the cat), Lexi and Naila. My life was richer because they were in my world. I was understood and loved unconditionally, as no human would ever be able to do. If I could convince someone to meet me at the door, after looking for me all day, with the excitement of my animals I would have it made. Please know that my “normal” isn’t going to be normal for awhile. If you see me crying don’t hug me because I will drown you in tears. It will be ok eventually just not right now. Naila will never be forgotten. 

“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went”  Will Rogers

 

I promised a story

 I promised a story about the Haleys so here I go…..

Back in the late 70s middle school was upon us and my pond got a little bigger. I can’t remember not ever being in band and anyone that has ever participated knows, you make some of the best lifetime friends there. I, too, am one of those people. Friends came easy to me as I don’t meet strangers. Even in 1976 this was true. I guess some things never change.

Entering into 7th grade band, we were placed together with the 8th grade and combined all the talent. This proved to be my lesson in boy FRIENDS. It is no secret that I’ve always hung with the boys. Must have had something to do with Brian Millican and the Barker boys. I was (guess i still am) a tomboy. I would rather climb trees, ride bikes and play outside. I made two of the best guy friends a girl could ever ask for, that summer, in Bruce Davis and Jeff Haley. I always said they were my brothers all through high school. 

That particular summer in 1976, mom had gone to nursing school and I was home alone. (Sorry mom, true confession) I would say if not every day, at least 3 times a week, Bruce and Jeff would come over. Jeff would be riding his bright yellow skinny skateboard. Tried as they may, I never could ride that thing. They must have spent that entire summer trying to teach me. This wasn’t the last summer those boys spent running the streets and stopping at my house. These summers created a bond that would make me as a mom happy for my daughter when she had friends like these. These guys had my back from then on. It didn’t matter who came or went all I had to do was say the word and these guys were there. I never once had to worry.  If I found myself in a situation where I felt unsafe or scared, I knew if I could get to a phone or yell out they would be there in a hot minute ready to tackle the problem. (Or tackle the boy)

As high school came we saw Jeff quit the band but Bruce remained. We all started dating (never each other) and while the bond was still there other girls came into the picture. I gained even more big brothers with an even bigger band and so many friends, looking back it makes my heart happy. Jeff even dated a few of my friends that I had had since elementary school. Band held my future high school sweetheart and the show group broadened my friendship base. When I wasn’t dating someone steady I always had someone to hang out with. Graduation saw many tears as I knew life was changing quickly. 

That summer found me with my guy friends hanging out at Fantasy 2000 or Yesterday’s. There was always a party waiting to happen wherever I happened to go. No date? No problem. Friends aren’t always dating others either. My bio brother’s band was playing at Yesterday’s and I wanted to go. Back then we (girls) didn’t go alone anywhere so I called up Jeff. 

We piled into his little white Toyota Corolla and took off to Chattanooga. Anyone who ever went to Patten Parkway knows seating was limited and standing room only was crowded. I don’t remember if we had a table and were joined or if someone else had a table and we joined. Either way, we had a seat. Behold, there was a blonde with glasses sitting next to Jeff. Slowly as the night wore on I talked with him less and less as that blonde got more interesting by the moment. I don’t remember much about the ride home. I do remember we walked out together. He opened my car door, I got in, he stood and talked with that girl another few minutes.

I do, however, remember asking him about the “Lisa” girl and if he liked her. I was informed pretty quickly her name was “Alicia” and he had gotten her number. Thus began the story of the Haleys. This was to be my last outing with Jeff. Enamored by her, Jeff was off the market in all things “other” girls. Lol He found love.

Wedding time rolls around and if I am not mistaken all I remember is loads of pink. Alicia was a blonde and Jeff actually HAD hair! I didn’t have a date to the nuptials but my mom was more than happy to attend and somewhere along the lines the parents were all friends. 

When Sam (Jeff’s dad) died my daddy was still working at the funeral home. Jeff and I had talked a bit through facebook and I knew it wouldn’t be long when they were in the hospital. I told Daddy I would see him later and he had told Jeff I was coming. The minute I hit that door I was met halfway down the hall and got the biggest, longest hug ever. I looked over his shoulder and saw Alicia sitting there with a smile on her face. When I finally got to her, she hugged me good and tight and said “he needed that”. I was so thankful to have a wife that could understand our kind of friendship. 

The last time I saw Alicia they were having a yard sale at Jeff’s mom’s house. We all stood and talked in the sweltering heat promising to get together and catch up on the world. As per usual, life continued on with mine and Jeff’s mom needing full time care and both of us living miles apart. While we all three chatted via facebook we never made the get together happen.

Here we are almost 40 years after that initial meeting and my guy friend’s heart is broken. I told Alicia when they got engaged that if she ever hurt him she would have to answer to me. Well, she needs to answer! This wasn’t how this was supposed to happen. We were all supposed to grow old together. I can’t be mad at her for hurting him because it wasn’t of her doing. Cancer SUX. My brother is hurting and with that my heart aches alongside him. I feel helpless and just want to hug him better. I know there isn’t going to be better soon but I do know she knew Jesus. I know she is better. It is earth that has to suffer along without the sun for awhile. 

A day in the fun filled life that is mine

 What an eventful 3 days. Good for a blog I guess. 

I’ve always been a people watcher. Since my hearing loss I do believe it is more so. Sometimes I am hyper aware, other times I’ve got my head buried in a book or my phone and am oblivious. I’ve always been one extreme or the other in most areas of my life so it really shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone. This time I hope there aren’t people around like me that are watching. If they are they have truly thought some things about me. 

I began my day bright and early Wednesday as I am out of the bed by 5:15 on work days. Tuesday was especially exciting as I had a bag packed, the dog packed and was ready to catch a flight to see grandson #1. Even though I just saw them two weeks ago, my Bubba’s birthday is coming up and it is time to celebrate FINNDEPENCE day. 

My wish, as I’m sure most folk’s wish, is for the work day go by smoothly and quickly. My Bff is keeping the dog and taking me to the airport after work. There have been problems as of the last few days with flight delays and the skies were sunny. It is a fantastic travel day. That is unless, of course, you have zero patience.

Seems the more I travel the more I get pulled to the side. More so since the hip replacement of course. Even CHA loves to pat me. I just wish they would end it with a kiss you know? Not only do they love to feel and see what kind of contraband or bomb making materials I could be harboring they also search my luggage. Again, this is a no fail event. I’ve decided someone has put me on “the list”. I don’t know what list it is but whomever it was needs to break a leg or something. 

I always try to engage TSA as I know they are only doing their job. I have however, learned not all have a sense of humor or even a personality. Some are down right rude and are mad at the world. Thankfully the ones at CHA were friendly and EXTREMELY thorough (if you know what I mean). My luggage was all but totally emptied. She swiped shoes, makeup and my toiletry bag. They even took my powder and face moisturizer to another machine for a different scan. Do I look like a fugitive, drug dealer, hijacker, or bomb maker? Geez, I’m a tired little old lady who just finished a 12 hour shift in an er. But, protocol….. I’m practicing what I preach about being kind and understanding. My favorite saying to my kids when they were teens was “what if you are the only Jesus they see?”

I thanked the TSA folks for the total invasion of privacy and am pretty sure there was some HIPPA rules broken. 

When I am not traveling with my travel agent, I always try and make sure the ticket agent and the stewards know I am hearing impaired in case I do miss a pivotal announcement. Wednesday night was no exception. 

I boarded my flight and was sitting next to the cutest little 16 year old girl from Rhea county. She was fantastic to help me decipher the announcements that kept coming from the pilot. 

We pushed back from the gate as the first announcement was made. “Passen…*insert Charlie Brown’s teacher’s voice……informed…..*insert voice…….minutes…..” Of course I didn’t understand. The sweet little girl explained there was a weather cell over ATL and our flight was going to be delayed a bit while we waited for instructions. 

Ok, I’m good. I still have internet and am watching a movie. It was about 20 mins and we cleared for takeoff. 20 more minutes and we are circling the Atlanta airport waiting to land. The stewardess was really great to come and follow up and make sure I understood what was happening and since all flights were grounded I shouldn’t miss my connector. Everyone was lined up to take off or circling above the cell. After our fourth big circle the captain says we can’t continue to circle because we don’t have enough fuel. The closest place they would send us to fuel…..CHA…. Yep, we turned around and went right back to where we left. One has to find humor here or it makes one cranky. Here is the 25 min speech about it shouldn’t take long and how grateful they are we are flying with them….at least I think that is what he is saying. 

I then encountered a first. An airplane bathroom! When I say I’m glad to say at 58 years old I had never been in a plane bathroom it is a matter of pride AND I hope I NEVER have to see another one. Don’t get me wrong. It was clean and all but that blue stuff was strong! I swear I’m still smelling it two nights later. It is akin to a portapotty. Yep, big NOPE! 

After our 25, in reality 45 minute gas up we are cleared to fly to ATL once more. The cell had moved on and so were we. When we get in the air I am informed that my connection had been missed and there wasn’t another til morning. My understanding of customer service they should put us all up in a hotel. No, they tell you where they are and offer you a percentage off coupon for said hotel. This is where my second first came in. A night in the Hartsfield/Jackson airport, call sign ATL. 

It was eerie. I don’t mean scary eerie, I mean weird eerie…..curious, eccentric….funky…freaky…. I have always thought as busy as that airport is it would never be empty but empty it was. I also did not know there is nothing flying after 2am per travel agent. I didn’t mind the airport stay and actually liked having experienced it when it wasn’t an emergency and there were thousands of people there. The employees were cleaning and really loud on occasion but never was I fearful or worried.

Sleep didn’t happen but in 15 min interval and I may have gotten a total of two hours tops. Seemed like a mama cat nap on Groundhog Day. I was so thankful that I had all my belongings as I didn’t check a bag and it made a decent lean to. 

The flood gates open at 5am there and it took all of 15 mins for it to return to the hustle and bustle one is used to at the airport there. I decided I needed to walk. I literally walked all the way back to the terminal and rode back to my gate to the tune of 5760 steps. It was a great pick me up. They have some pretty interesting art pieces between the concourses. If you ever get a chance to walk and enjoy you should. Never waste an opportunity to take in interesting and new things.

I knew I was on standby for the first flight and knew I didn’t want the flight they had assigned me which wasn’t to leave ATL until 9pm. I prayed off and on all night. I had a Delta employee with whom I spoke and explained my two first as we share a giggle. He said “I gotchu”. Indeed he did. I was on the back row of the plane but I was on it. NEXT TO THE BATHROOM!  Tell me God doesn’t have a sense of humor. Again, seated next to a minor. 

I know there are no accidents in this world and have decided these girls needed a Granny or a mother on these flights. The little girl slept the whole way. When she finally woke up we were within range of PA. I asked her how old and she told me she was 11. She told me she had lived in TX and GA and was moving to Kansas. I asked the cities and her response was El Paso and Fort Gordon and I knew immediately she was an Army brat. She could make friends with a sign post. She had a great personality and I learned not only was her mom and dad BOTH in the Army so was her step mother and step dad. Talk about a family affair. She is a little bummed though they are going to be separated after 7 years together. 

For those reading that don’t remember Harrisburg is the capitol of PA. Taylor had informed me the airport was a major hub but was a small airport. I thought she was just exaggerating because a capitol city that was a major hub couldn’t be THAT small. She wasn’t kidding. It was maybe three gates bigger than Chattanooga. A third first….flying into Harrisburg, PA. I had gone less than 15 hours and already had 3 firsts under my belt. Who really cares what those firsts were, they were firsts nonetheless.

After a few quick stops I finally saw a shower. After 30 hours of straight up fun and excitement it was not a minute too soon. A two hour nap with a clean body and I was ready to play with my Bubba when he got home:) We had some fun racing go karts and playing arcade games. The fun has continued on through the day today. One where we picked flowers, fed farm animals and played hard. Birthday party tomorrow and this boy will be 4 on the 5th. I can not believe my little fella will be heading to school next year! He has grown leaps and bounds and can be really funny. He is a mocking bird and will straight up get you for saying “Shoot” and “Dadgumit”. Guess I will just stay in the Finley jail for awhile. I will update if I need bail.