Happy 2 year Surgiversary!

TADA!!!!

It is here! My two year surgiversary. Happy surgiversary to me!

It seems like yesterday in a way, then it seems like forever. But, isn’t that life? Some things will never change.

You remember the pain of child birth? Yet you go and have another baby? Unfortunately, weight loss surgery seems to be a parallel to that for me. The pain and the vomiting, well, you kind of forget that and start eating stuff you aren’t supposed to eat.

Bread is still the enemy. I’ve succeeded in staying away from Panera Bread for the most part. I have TOTALLY succeeded in staying away from carbonated beverages (take that Coke!) Cornbread, on the other hand, is like a dessert to me. I love it. Don’t know why, I love hot, just out of the oven, butter melting cornbread. But, I digress; cornbread is now officially off the list, off my radar, out of my life (for now). My hubby is the gatekeeper. He has been such a good supporter of me and my journey. He went with me to my doctor visit. We discussed the need for bread control and he is now my conscience for awhile. I don’t understand my psyche but for some crazy reason he is the ONLY person that can even HINT that I shouldn’t eat something. Anyone else and I go crazy! I will eat it in spite of you, me or any other creature that determines to know best.

My doctor’s visit went well yesterday. We reviewed my lab work and my habits. I averaged my monthly weights for the 2012 year and some of you will be happy to know I gained ONE pound each month of this year. Now, time to stop and maintain.  Old habits are creeping up and like any monster it is time to stop it in its tracks. The holidays are horrible for anyone that tries to have self control but those of us former fatties can tell you it is twice as hard when you are trying to stifle a habit AND count those calories/carbs.

The former fatty brain is still a fatty brain. I have come to the conclusion that ALL former fatties should be in some sort of therapy. After all, we got fat for a reason and unless someone is treating that reason, you will get fat again! No questions asked. Being fat is a symptom of an underlying issue. Maybe it is medical, maybe not... more than likely, in my unprofessional opinion, not. Thankfully, I have been through enough doctor visits to know my issues and now fully understand the repercussions of my actions. If anyone reading this is contemplating weight loss surgery please examine ALL areas of your life and be COMPLETELY honest with yourself before undergoing such a life changing surgery.

I’m so proud of all the girls that have had this with me! It is HARD. Some have really done well….others, well, they have to answer for themselves. It is so hard for me not to shake some people. I spoke with the doctor about it yesterday and he tried to put it in perspective for me. I have GOT to let go and let others worry about themselves. Just because I’m a caregiver doesn’t mean everyone wants me to care!!

We all have a journey. Life is that journey. Everyone has to make the decisions for that journey. You can make decisions for your children and sometimes even for the members of your family that are incapable due to impairment but ultimately we are only responsible for ourselves. No one is responsible for us. We choose the path. Many paths are there. It is ok to go down a path and realize it isn’t the one you should travel. Everyone gets lost at some point. Luckily God gave everyone common sense. Sometimes we need to make a conscious effort to use it! When you lay your head down at night and there is no one in your head but you, be honest with yourself, look at your path. Is it taking you where you want to go? No one path is easy. Every path will have hills and valleys, deserts and floods. Don’t judge the path by its terrain but choose the path that will be the most rewarding in the end. Go for the one that has the pot of gold (or streets, in my case) at the end. Reach for the prize! Nothing worth having is easy to get. (and that my friends is a whole other topic for another day!)

So here are the stats…..Total pounds lost=106

                                    Total drop in A1C= 0.7 points and counting

                                    Total regain for maintenance=18#

                                    Total cost= priceless

Keep On Walking

You’ve heard the saying “if you’re going through hell, keep walking…DON’T stop!’ Well, a few weeks ago that was me, a walking fool. If I had stopped I might have been run over by a Mack truck or something because my luck had run out. I’m laughing about it now because I can see that week in the rearview mirror. Let me share a giggle or two today and see if this doesn’t make your day seem, not so bad.

       

        Monday…ahh Monday, just the word makes most people cringe with dread. Had I known what Monday held for me that morning I too, may have cringed. But, Mondays routinely don’t bother me. Little did I know, in just a few short hours, life would change.

        I own a Pomeranian, well truth be told, she owns me. As a matter of fact today is her 9^th birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRINCESS LEXI BABUSHKA BABY! Aka Lexi. But, I digress. Lexi, as in Pom style has developed collapsing trachea. This is a condition in which, just as the term implies, the trachea begins to collapse. The rings on the trachea are not strong enough to hold it open and can be detrimental to the dog. Lexi had begun to sound like a goose in the middle of the night and no one was resting, least of all her.  I was terrified that I would wake up one morning and find her dead beside me in the bed. We went to the vet and she prescribed Prednisone. Prednisone as many of you know can be a miracle drug. But, it also has some horrible side affects. For Lexi, it was a miracle. Depending on the dosage I had her on, the cough was controlled and she seemed so much better. This lasted approximately 3 months and then it changed. Lexi became lethargic and no longer seemed to care about her ball. She was losing weight and not eating. She was nothing like the Lexi we had just weeks before. I weaned her from the pred and began to really pay attention to her. I feared she may be having trouble seeing. She had started using the living room floor as her potty place and it was getting worse by the night until she used our bed one night. It was time to see the vet. The dreaded Monday was here. The vet. If anyone is ever in need of a vet Molly Leonard, DMV at Animal World is AWESOME! She really listens and takes the time one needs to process information. She took Lexi outside to tinkle and drew some lab work. Not only was Lexi totally blind with cataracts in both eyes but she is also diabetic. Her blood glucose was 502! My poor baby! No wonder she was lethargic, losing weight and had no interest in life. She was SICK! Prednisone had taken my sweet baby down a horrible path and there is no going back. It is a terrible reality that the rest of her life will include at least two injections a day and no enjoyment of her ball again. It breaks my heart.

        Tuesday morning…..I’m up early on my day off. Going to get started on the cleaning and have a little puppy time with my babies before my parents came, when my husband walks in. He left an hour and a half earlier to go to work. My world just crashed at 100 mph. He had been released from his job! WHAT??!!

No way! We had just had the discussion Monday night. There wasn’t enough money to cover all the bills. Now he is standing in front of me telling me he is unemployed. I could not process what I was hearing and then… reality! SLAP! I pull myself together for my parents will be arriving for me to take to the doctor in two hours and I had to pretend nothing was wrong. You can never imagine how hard it is not to cry on your mom’s shoulder when you know there is comfort there. I had to be a big girl. Put on my big girl panties. We would weather this with God and I had to trust what I know.

        Wednesday and the fog has set in on my brain. I had reached the level of shutting down but I knew that I had no choice but to endure. I prayed. I prayed A LOT! I asked friends to pray. I called friends of friends to see who needed help with work. “Who do you know” became my tagline. I head into work and it is the first day in a new office. I was in new surroundings and new environment, working with people in the office where the day before and the last three years had been all alone. When you know you work better alone and “your” way it raises your anxiety level beyond belief when you are thrust into a new place with five other women. Well, at least I wasn’t home looking at an unemployed husband. Boy, food sure was good! It must have been coated with extra comfort because it sure was there for me. The food beckoned me from every vending machine, my locker and cabinet. There wasn’t anywhere I could escape to that didn’t have food.

        Thursday was looking up. I had had a good day at work. Slow, steady pace, that is until 3:30pm and the phone rings. It is my attorney. While he has a very calming, laid back demeanor, when I hear his voice the day before we are supposed to go to court I get up tight and out of sight. He informs me that he has JUST received a letter from the ex’s attorney and he wants to modify child support! NO WAY! Court is TOMORROW! We’ve had this court date on the books for three months!!! I was supposed to be in Florida visiting my baby and now he has the ability to throw a monkey wrench into my life again! URRRRGGGG! “LORD!!” I cried, “I CAN NOT DO THIS!!” This was supposed to be the end of a terrible twenty year ordeal. This is supposed to be over and I will never have to consider this man again. I’ve prayed for him enough already! I don’t understand why I have to deal with this too. Didn’t God see that I was nearing the end of my rope and what was left was wrapped around my neck? Anyone who has ever had to deal with a divorce, child support, a deadbeat parent and trying to raise the children in a loving environment can understand the words that I can not say. There is such a flood of emotion that can never be described. Every time you have to deal with the other “party” it is like someone kicks you in the stomach regardless of the situation. Whether you know you are in the right or not it is not a pleasant experience by any stretch of the imagination.

Alas Friday arrives. Anger, pain, sadness, despair, hopelessness keeps trying to invade my space. I have to remind myself sometimes minute by minute that God has this! He is in control and I’ve got to quit taking it away from him and trying to do it my way. We meet with the attorney even though we aren’t getting to keep our court date and settle with him as to what I will and will not accept. I am at the mercy of the ex again! This is not a place I like to be but for some reason it is where I am. I will not allow him to manipulate the situation nor my mood. I will persevere and hold my head high. After all, it is football night. My son is a senior and we are playing against my alma mater. The fall game is enough to push the rest of the week back if only for three hours. My son made the ONLY touchdown for our team that night…..there was a light!

Saturday….I’ve made it through one of the worst weeks I can imagine. Well, it felt like it at the time. I can really imagine A LOT worse. Thank God I didn’t see what I can imagine now. Things are looking up. My son and I are headed to JSU for a preview day and some Gamecock football. The husband is working a tournament calling softball and making a little money. It is a good day! Those of you that are JSU fans know how much fun tailgating and the games can be when the Wrights are cranked up. Unfortunately, there is a high school band competition and the Wrights aren’t in attendance. It is a sad day in Jacksonville, Alabama. But, they have taught us well. We carried on and had a great game. My week is coming to a close and on a high note. We just have to get home and into the bed. The sun will rise in a few short hours on a new week. Sunday at Salem and I will be renewed. “NOT SO FAST THERE” life says to me. You know Mother Nature sometimes has jokes. They are usually funny when they happen to other people. You know the ones. The joke where someone trips over their own two feet. The one where karma seems to slap someone in the head and you are in attendance. Well, Mother Nature decided it was “let’s have a laugh on Tammie” night. I head to the restroom to make sure the old bladder is empty before the 90 minute drive home. Let me say, I’m not as germaphobic as a lot of people but bathrooms are NOT a place that I enjoy. I creep around them like a bug may jump out at me at any given minute. I have perfected the “squatter’s” position. It has always served me well but this night I hear John Tesh in my head. “There are more germs in your kitchen sink than a public restroom.” Thanks, John! (Visual here) I decide that one cheek would just take one for the team because my bladder was a lot fuller than my squatter was going to be able to hold. You girls know the position……guys, just hang in there. I reach for the toilet paper and….that’s right….NONE! “SIGH” and all of a sudden out of no where the electronic eye on the toilet thinks I’m in need of a flush. “Oh NO” I can not STAND for the toilet water to splash up and hit my naked rear end. The germs!! The disgusting nasty germs! Did John Tesh and his team of researchers research this? I bet they didn’t so now I have bolted up into the full squatters pose with hopes of nothing else touching my bare skin. What is a girl to do when there is no paper? The only other lady is two stalls down. Well, you guessed it…the wiggle. Now, this isn’t the time to get tickled here because there is more to come! While in the position to wiggle, drip dry the toilet once again decides it needs another good, hardy flush. GABOOSH! Can it get worse? OH YES IT CAN! Up splashes the toilet water this time so high that while I am shoulder length leg spread it finds its way to my face. Not just my face, my left eye! Really?! Yes, my left eye. I have never bolted out of a stall so fast in all my born days. I’m spent, there is nothing left. I’m holding on by a string and Mother Nature has her scissors out!

I step over to the sink. My hands have to be gross after all I’m in a public toilet so I’m not going to flush my eye here. The lady two stalls down is already at the respective sink finishing up. I’m thinking I must have a look on my face that reads “don’t speak!” I hear the clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, of the towel dispenser and I wonder why does she need so much is she an Amazon with huge hands? The next words cause my head to explode. I hear “UH OH” as she takes the last bit of paper towels and uses every inch of it leaving me standing with dripping hands. Mind you, there was enough there for three women to dry their hands. I’m in the bathroom with a lady that’s mama never spanked her or shown her any manners whatsoever.

My little 5’3” self flies out of that bathroom shaking my hands, shaking my head (SMH) and daring anyone to look at me. I get to the car and poor little Hunter sees that it is best to remain calm. Home….let’s just get home. I’m sure had he not been with me I would have cried all the way home. Instead, I prayed, sang and TRIED to talk to my teenage son.

I have never been so thankful to see Sunday in all my days but just walking through the doors that morning made all the difference in the world. I still couldn’t tell my parents about the hubby’s job but I could laugh about the toilet water. I knew there were some women there that knew about the job situation and I knew that I was covered.

I hope to never have another week like that one. Looking back I see that when I was losing it someone else was in control. When I couldn’t He could. I’ve GOT to get better about giving it to Him and not asking for it back. I’m satisfied knowing that He knows just how stupid I am sometimes. He knows when to let me have it and when it is best to just hold and take care of it. Isn’t it funny how He equips us with 20/20 hindsight? I like to think of it as lesson building. Look back….build yourself up and learn that lesson!

My Belly Is Full

My belly is full.

Strange statement, but true both literally and figuratively. I’m to the point that when it comes time for a meal I want to eat. After I’ve eaten, I wonder, why? I have such a hard head that I wonder if it will EVER catch up and catch on.

Discipline is the one thing that we all know is good for us. It is good for us to be held to a certain standard (disciplined). It is good for us, as children to learn when we are disciplined. I always did well when I was partaking in an activity that required structure and discipline. So why is this SO FREAKING HARD! One has to be disciplined in what they eat and disciplined to exercise. I don’t understand the psychology of it all. I love all things related to the sick brain so it is frustrating not to be able to get a grip on it.

I’ve been pretty low lately and am trying to pull up out of the hole. This full belly feeling and that old feeling of failure when you eat what makes you sick, doesn’t help that low feeling.  Knowing that you don’t have the discipline to police yourself in what you should or should not be eating is daunting. Knowing the ones you love are going through a hard time is a big stress. Watching gas prices rise sometimes right before your eyes can be so disheartening that it makes one wonder why they even get up and go to work. I have transportation issues with both of the vehicles I drive. I’ve been surrounded by death and dying the last six weeks, that while I am thankful they weren’t people that were in my immediate family my heart aches for those that it did touch. The fact that I miss my daughter terribly is enough to make one cry and the fact that there has been no beach or water time to lift the spirits makes for a low, lower than low. I’m throwing a pity party….ALL INVITED TO ATTEND! I have friends that have lost their spouses, some to death and some to divorce, for goodness sake! What business do I have that could be THAT bad? I know life is what you make it… I know life is what happens while you are making plans… I know that life is going to go on whether I’m throwing a party or not. WOOT WOOT…bring out the noise makers!

I do have one thing that has amazed me. I am not craving Coca-Colas! I can’t believe it! Usually, the first beverage of choice, at these type parties, are colas. So while I party on, bring your water, your protein enriched drinks and come join me. LOL We will drown our sorrows.  I can’t think of a better way to rid your life of these things other than drowning. Hey! That makes me think….I have an ex…..nah…that’s for another dayJ

I am maintaining my weight with a 3.5 pound fluctuation. I don’t like those fluctuations but reality is what it is. There are fluxes in our lives. Even a building has to sway with the strong winds or it cracks. I’m swaying. I just have to remind myself that the 3 pound sway is ALL the leeway there is. I must get disciplined. Lack of discipline is not a sign of weakness it is a sign of sickness. I must make myself healthy and GET TO IT!

BE WHO YOU ARE

Today is not about weight loss. Today is a rant. Some days I’m entitled to that and since this is my blog, it is RANT day. I ask if you want to rant….do it….Leave your ranting comments….

I have been reading last evening and today that Sally Ride was gay. OK, can someone explain to me why this matters? When someone dies is it necessary to say they are gay or straight? Will my obituary say “Tammie was survived by her heterosexual husband Mark? Why does it become such a big deal? Being gay is not <insert gasp> something that people should have to hide.

My comment to one of Hunter’s friends this week was “BE WHO YOU ARE!” She was being rude over a text to me and when she found out she was texting an adult, I got a QUICK apology. I told her that it didn’t matter that she thought she was talking to another teenager. You should never talk differently to different people. BE WHO YOU ARE…. If you are a jerk to your friends and not in front of the adults, then you are not authentic. If you want to be a jerk then by all means, be a jerk and be proud! If you want people to respect you then be respectful to others.

This world has played games too long. Everyone is afraid to be themselves. I don’t understand. I used to tell my mom when I was a teenager, “don’t ask me if you REALLY don’t want to know the truth.” Meaning…I won’t lie but if you can’t handle the truth don’t ask because I WILL tell you. I’ve tried to instill this in my children.

I’ve raised them to be proud of “who” they are and if they aren’t, CHANGE IT. Luckily, it is in their own hands to be “who” they want to be. No one else holds the key to “who” or “what” you want to be other than the person in the mirror.  I’ve tried to explain to my son, “you may be the only Jesus some of your friends may ever see….what do you want them to see?” Don’t claim one thing and then show another.

When I was in high school we called the drug people “heads”. I don’t know why but that was what we called them. Everyone knew who the heads were and if you wanted something we all knew where to go. Why? Because, these people were authentic. While I never enlisted they services, I respected them because they weren’t afraid to be what they were. I always spoke to them and they always spoke to me. We had a mutual respect that they were who they were and I was who I was and we didn’t step on one another’s toes. On a side note, the best news I have received this year is that one of the main “heads” has turned his life around and is now a leader in his church! It proves that if you want to change you can and if you don’t, you don’t have to. He is accepted for WHAT he is.

How do you want people to see you? Are you showing the world what you want them to see or what you truly are? At the end of the day you can only be happy by being yourself and being authentically you. You are a special person to someone.  Sally Ride chose to be seen as what she was, a smart, goal setting, mentor and intelligent woman. Those around her knew she was a gay woman and she didn’t “hide”. I like the fact that before her death it didn’t matter because now that she is dead it still doesn’t matter. If you are judging her on what she chose in her personal life what does that say about you? Are you “open” to the people around you about how you feel? Are you “open” in your judgment? Can you lie your head down at night worried about whether or not you’ve offended someone or can you lie there and know that if you did, it was exactly how you felt and they will have to reconcile it?  BE WHO YOU ARE! BE IT, STAND ON IT, BE PROUD!

Eighteen Months and Counting

Another milestone has passed and evidently I have passed with flying colors!


Yesterday was my 18 month surgiversary and another visit to the surgeon. I was weighed, measured and asked the usual questions only to be told I am right where he wanted me! I knew that already....that was the goal! I did tell him that I had been fighting my brain but I think anyone who has had this surgery will tell you that it will be a battle to be fought til the day we die. Not only do I have to fight my brain but my mouth. I know some of you find that SO hard to believe! 


I have MANY friends and relatives that have had this surgery or bariatric surgery of some kind and it tears me up to see AND hear what is happening. I have to remind myself that my journey is mine and their journey is theirs. Human nature makes us think that our opinion really matters when it really doesn't. I'm also reminded that body composition, DNA and life circumstances vary from person to person and that what was/is good for me or how it happens to me isn't necessarily how it happens for others.


While I have been far from a saint on this journey everyone knows that coca colas are my weakness. I dream in red and white. I bathe in caramel colored carbonated water. At this stage of the game I am beating that old devil down and winning! I refuse to let it win over me. So when I see a fellow patient drinking a carbonated drink I shiver. It isn't any of my business! Honestly, I really wished it could be me that sips one but to think of the addiction, the headache, the tummy ache AND the weight that would come back...NO THANK YOU! The reaction isn't worth the action.


While yes, I've eaten some biscuits, they are few and far between. How anyone that has had their tummies ripped from their body can eat one with sausage in the mornings is beyond me. There isn't room in there and I feel like crap after 2 bites. Again, worth it? NOPE. My mouth drools at breads and when they are in my mouth I am temporarily in love but it is like a bad marriage...not worth those temporary feelings. It is the long lasting, satisfying feelings in which I am searching. 


Then there are those "it's a great deal" things. You know, the buffets, the roo cups, the sale items in the bakery.  Just because they are a "good deal" doesn't mean they are "good for you". While an occasional treat is awesome and we all deserve it we really shouldn't keep going back to that treat. Heck yes, I've had a slushie. I've had sweet tea. But I don't keep a cup in my car that I can refill anytime for twenty five cents, and no one can beat Bailey's sweet tea. Luckily our bi monthly trip isn't a weekly trip. My husband loves buffets. I've ALWAYS hated them. Now, I have an awesome excuse of what a waste of money it would be for me to even walk into a place like that. 


I've eaten so much chicken that I am pretty sure I cluck in my sleep. If anyone should see me in my yard scratching please find me some professional help! I never thought that beef wouldn't be my protein of choice. After all, my granddaddy raised both chickens and cows and I've seen the cleaner of the two. It isn't the chicken! Baked chicken, broiled chicken,  fried chicken, chicken teriyaki, chicken nuggets, chicken, chicken, chicken. (Bubba Gump got nothing on me!) Some may be thinking FRIED??? Yes, I do eat fried chicken. I also do not eat those biscuits and potatoes that are served with it. Nor do I eat the dark more fatty meat. There is a trade off somewhere.


Oh...another soapbox. Drinking when I eat. For those of you who think I've lost my mind and might choke to death I am not supposed to drink AND eat. I can choose. Do I want to drink OR do I want to eat. Usually I choose to eat. Waitresses look at me like I have six heads. It has become laughable because I've perfected the "no, stupid, I said I wanted NOTHING" look when asked "are you sure?" for the third time. My family still gets me a glass of ice but they are getting used to it too. I've seen several patients drinking AND eating. Again, I am not living THEIR journey, yet I don't feel they should complain. If you haven't lost the weight you wanted to lose, have you done the program the way you've been instructed?


We have an awesome cheerleader in Kathy Freeman, RN. She had to live through hell and had very little support to lose her weight. She knows what works and what doesn't. She is always open to new suggestions and will research any idea that might help us. I would really like to know how she maintains her composure when someone complains they haven't been losing and she asked about their food dairy. Yes, I am a VERY lucky girl. I come from little stock. My mom is tiny and my father isn't a large man by most men standards, so maybe I have an advantage. That advantage doesn't apply when there are choices to be made. It just means when I make the same choices as others, it may affect me differently. 


Well, by the looks of this blog today it seems I've been holding on to a hostile feeling or two!! LOL They are out now. I really am happy with my progress and can only pray it continues.  I am going to turn loose of those feelings that I have when someone complains they aren't losing as they should. I resign myself to smiling and saying "Oh? I'm sorry" and move on. NOT MY JOURNEY! My journey includes some work and some rewards....a balancing act. Should I fall I have great friends, nurses and family that will help pick me up (or keep me from scratching the yard) and get me jump started again. I LOVE MY LIFE!

My oh My, how my little world evolves

When one goes to sleep at night they don't dream that as they sleep their life is changing. It seems as if you go to sleep only to awaken and think "another same ole, same ole day". Yet, it isn't the same ole day. Each day is its own day. Each day is as unique as the person that is living in that moment. 

I know many are like me in they set goals. Sometimes they are within reach and other times they don't come to fruition. I am the type that looks forward to things. Things like vacation, a party, a certain workday. When we finally do make it to that vacation it seems to fly by. We never seem to live in the moment, those people like me, we are always "what's next?" This is a HORRIBLE way to live. While it serves me well to reach goals and feel like I've accomplished something good it is not so great when you are looking at life as a whole.

I look into the eyes of my children or in their smile and I see those little babies that I held in my arms. Yet, as I speak to them on the phone or look UP to them I realize they aren't so little anymore! Where did that time go? Wasn't it yesterday that Hunter was afraid of lightening and thunder? Now, he sits on the couch watching t.v. during a storm as if nothing is going on. Wasn't it yesterday that my daughter was riding with me, in my little red car, anywhere and everywhere, to the point we joked her middle name was "go"? Now, she lives in another state with girls from all over the country. I'm so proud of my children. They have grown into caring, giving, people. While there are times I wonder what possessed my children, for the most part they've got it going on. They are enjoying every minute of every day.

So, where am I going with this? Time....at the risk of being trite...it flies. This is nothing new. People have said it since the beginning of time but when you look at it, it is crazy. Like my weight...I know it didn't come on overnight but with the passage of time. The age I am and the wrinkles that I posses didn't arrive during those same ole, same ole days but with that time thing. But when did it happen? I wasn't all of a sudden fat! I wasn't all of a sudden wrinkled! And what has time done to my parents??? When did they get old?

I'm beginning not to like this whole time idea. When looking forward to vacation, I don't like it because it seems so slow. When I'm taking a vacation, I don't like it because it seems so fast. When I look at my parents I want it to slow down. When I think about seeing Taylor I want it to hurry up and get here.

My mother and I were talking Sunday about the second coming of Christ and how prophecy has been fulfilled. I made the statement that her mother thought that Christ would come in her lifetime. My mother has thought that Christ would come in her lifetime. Now that all the prophecy has been fulfilled why wouldn't I or my children not think it would be in our lifetime.(yes, that WAS a double negative in there) Alas the Bible states in Psalm 90:4 "For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night."  And then there is 2 Peter 3:8 that says: "But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day."  Regardless of whether you are an Old Testament believer or an Old and New Testament believer, you have to agree, time was a crazy thing even centuries ago and the authors knew it. I think I must be in good company.

Hold your children every second you can, or as long as they allow. Relish in your vacation. Enjoy your day at work and the people around you for tomorrow may not be here. Reach for your goals for in them you can bask. Remember the "good ole days" because when you were living them you thought they were the "same ole, same ole".

30 year high school reunion

I have just passed my 14 month surgiversary and am looking forward to yet another milestone. My thirtieth year away from high school! OMG! 30 years! REALLY!? I remember when just being thirty seemed old. I remember thinking my parents were extremely OLD at 48 (the year I graduated). Now, I am 48 and can't even imagine feeling the age I THOUGHT my parents were at that time. Time is a cruel reality. A friend and I have been joking that we can't believe we went to school with all these "old" people. Yet, another friend says that the old man that shaves every morning in his mirror is not the man he is.... well, looks like I have good company.

I've been battling the old eating habits as I have been reassured happens. My friend, confidant, and bariatric nurse Kathy has assured me that it is normal but to keep fighting those demons. It is hard on the old brain that just because the scale goes up it doesn't mean fat. Mark and I walked last night and of course the scale was a little higher this morning. Logically, I understand the muscle mass concept...emotionally, not so much.

I've been SO extremely busy running around getting our business off the ground. Running here and there getting this reunion together and running as fast as I can go in the general rat race we call life. If I ever slow down I'm sure the weight will start to creep back on so I'm determined to NEVER slow up. The energy I have is off the charts. Although there are still days I want a coca-cola so bad my mouth waters, I am reminded of how bad they really made me feel. I can't encourage people enough to wean themselves from sodas if at all possible. (This includes diet ones!) There are days that I want not one more drop of water, tea, or kool-aide and the only thing that seems to soothe my mind is a coke. Thankfully, I say a little prayer and ask for strength. I'm thankful that my God understands my weaknesses and bears those loads for me when I let Him have them. If only I were that compliant with the rest of my worries.

I am still amazed at the friends that show so much support for me. Their prayers and kind, encouraging words seem to buoy me on days that I need that extra lift. I've been singing at the Methodist church on Sunday mornings before heading out to Salem. It has assuredly been blessing me more than anyone else. I was reminded that I have a talent that I needn't squander. I am surprisingly not nervous either! Stage fright was ALWAYS there and I was waiting on it this time but it has stayed away.

If you are reading this today I want to say thanks. Thanks for caring enough to wonder what is going on in my little world. Or, thanks for being nosy and giving someone else a break! LOL Have a beautiful day and a wonderfully exciting weekend!