Keep On Walking

You’ve heard the saying “if you’re going through hell, keep walking…DON’T stop!’ Well, a few weeks ago that was me, a walking fool. If I had stopped I might have been run over by a Mack truck or something because my luck had run out. I’m laughing about it now because I can see that week in the rearview mirror. Let me share a giggle or two today and see if this doesn’t make your day seem, not so bad.

       

        Monday…ahh Monday, just the word makes most people cringe with dread. Had I known what Monday held for me that morning I too, may have cringed. But, Mondays routinely don’t bother me. Little did I know, in just a few short hours, life would change.

        I own a Pomeranian, well truth be told, she owns me. As a matter of fact today is her 9^th birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRINCESS LEXI BABUSHKA BABY! Aka Lexi. But, I digress. Lexi, as in Pom style has developed collapsing trachea. This is a condition in which, just as the term implies, the trachea begins to collapse. The rings on the trachea are not strong enough to hold it open and can be detrimental to the dog. Lexi had begun to sound like a goose in the middle of the night and no one was resting, least of all her.  I was terrified that I would wake up one morning and find her dead beside me in the bed. We went to the vet and she prescribed Prednisone. Prednisone as many of you know can be a miracle drug. But, it also has some horrible side affects. For Lexi, it was a miracle. Depending on the dosage I had her on, the cough was controlled and she seemed so much better. This lasted approximately 3 months and then it changed. Lexi became lethargic and no longer seemed to care about her ball. She was losing weight and not eating. She was nothing like the Lexi we had just weeks before. I weaned her from the pred and began to really pay attention to her. I feared she may be having trouble seeing. She had started using the living room floor as her potty place and it was getting worse by the night until she used our bed one night. It was time to see the vet. The dreaded Monday was here. The vet. If anyone is ever in need of a vet Molly Leonard, DMV at Animal World is AWESOME! She really listens and takes the time one needs to process information. She took Lexi outside to tinkle and drew some lab work. Not only was Lexi totally blind with cataracts in both eyes but she is also diabetic. Her blood glucose was 502! My poor baby! No wonder she was lethargic, losing weight and had no interest in life. She was SICK! Prednisone had taken my sweet baby down a horrible path and there is no going back. It is a terrible reality that the rest of her life will include at least two injections a day and no enjoyment of her ball again. It breaks my heart.

        Tuesday morning…..I’m up early on my day off. Going to get started on the cleaning and have a little puppy time with my babies before my parents came, when my husband walks in. He left an hour and a half earlier to go to work. My world just crashed at 100 mph. He had been released from his job! WHAT??!!

No way! We had just had the discussion Monday night. There wasn’t enough money to cover all the bills. Now he is standing in front of me telling me he is unemployed. I could not process what I was hearing and then… reality! SLAP! I pull myself together for my parents will be arriving for me to take to the doctor in two hours and I had to pretend nothing was wrong. You can never imagine how hard it is not to cry on your mom’s shoulder when you know there is comfort there. I had to be a big girl. Put on my big girl panties. We would weather this with God and I had to trust what I know.

        Wednesday and the fog has set in on my brain. I had reached the level of shutting down but I knew that I had no choice but to endure. I prayed. I prayed A LOT! I asked friends to pray. I called friends of friends to see who needed help with work. “Who do you know” became my tagline. I head into work and it is the first day in a new office. I was in new surroundings and new environment, working with people in the office where the day before and the last three years had been all alone. When you know you work better alone and “your” way it raises your anxiety level beyond belief when you are thrust into a new place with five other women. Well, at least I wasn’t home looking at an unemployed husband. Boy, food sure was good! It must have been coated with extra comfort because it sure was there for me. The food beckoned me from every vending machine, my locker and cabinet. There wasn’t anywhere I could escape to that didn’t have food.

        Thursday was looking up. I had had a good day at work. Slow, steady pace, that is until 3:30pm and the phone rings. It is my attorney. While he has a very calming, laid back demeanor, when I hear his voice the day before we are supposed to go to court I get up tight and out of sight. He informs me that he has JUST received a letter from the ex’s attorney and he wants to modify child support! NO WAY! Court is TOMORROW! We’ve had this court date on the books for three months!!! I was supposed to be in Florida visiting my baby and now he has the ability to throw a monkey wrench into my life again! URRRRGGGG! “LORD!!” I cried, “I CAN NOT DO THIS!!” This was supposed to be the end of a terrible twenty year ordeal. This is supposed to be over and I will never have to consider this man again. I’ve prayed for him enough already! I don’t understand why I have to deal with this too. Didn’t God see that I was nearing the end of my rope and what was left was wrapped around my neck? Anyone who has ever had to deal with a divorce, child support, a deadbeat parent and trying to raise the children in a loving environment can understand the words that I can not say. There is such a flood of emotion that can never be described. Every time you have to deal with the other “party” it is like someone kicks you in the stomach regardless of the situation. Whether you know you are in the right or not it is not a pleasant experience by any stretch of the imagination.

Alas Friday arrives. Anger, pain, sadness, despair, hopelessness keeps trying to invade my space. I have to remind myself sometimes minute by minute that God has this! He is in control and I’ve got to quit taking it away from him and trying to do it my way. We meet with the attorney even though we aren’t getting to keep our court date and settle with him as to what I will and will not accept. I am at the mercy of the ex again! This is not a place I like to be but for some reason it is where I am. I will not allow him to manipulate the situation nor my mood. I will persevere and hold my head high. After all, it is football night. My son is a senior and we are playing against my alma mater. The fall game is enough to push the rest of the week back if only for three hours. My son made the ONLY touchdown for our team that night…..there was a light!

Saturday….I’ve made it through one of the worst weeks I can imagine. Well, it felt like it at the time. I can really imagine A LOT worse. Thank God I didn’t see what I can imagine now. Things are looking up. My son and I are headed to JSU for a preview day and some Gamecock football. The husband is working a tournament calling softball and making a little money. It is a good day! Those of you that are JSU fans know how much fun tailgating and the games can be when the Wrights are cranked up. Unfortunately, there is a high school band competition and the Wrights aren’t in attendance. It is a sad day in Jacksonville, Alabama. But, they have taught us well. We carried on and had a great game. My week is coming to a close and on a high note. We just have to get home and into the bed. The sun will rise in a few short hours on a new week. Sunday at Salem and I will be renewed. “NOT SO FAST THERE” life says to me. You know Mother Nature sometimes has jokes. They are usually funny when they happen to other people. You know the ones. The joke where someone trips over their own two feet. The one where karma seems to slap someone in the head and you are in attendance. Well, Mother Nature decided it was “let’s have a laugh on Tammie” night. I head to the restroom to make sure the old bladder is empty before the 90 minute drive home. Let me say, I’m not as germaphobic as a lot of people but bathrooms are NOT a place that I enjoy. I creep around them like a bug may jump out at me at any given minute. I have perfected the “squatter’s” position. It has always served me well but this night I hear John Tesh in my head. “There are more germs in your kitchen sink than a public restroom.” Thanks, John! (Visual here) I decide that one cheek would just take one for the team because my bladder was a lot fuller than my squatter was going to be able to hold. You girls know the position……guys, just hang in there. I reach for the toilet paper and….that’s right….NONE! “SIGH” and all of a sudden out of no where the electronic eye on the toilet thinks I’m in need of a flush. “Oh NO” I can not STAND for the toilet water to splash up and hit my naked rear end. The germs!! The disgusting nasty germs! Did John Tesh and his team of researchers research this? I bet they didn’t so now I have bolted up into the full squatters pose with hopes of nothing else touching my bare skin. What is a girl to do when there is no paper? The only other lady is two stalls down. Well, you guessed it…the wiggle. Now, this isn’t the time to get tickled here because there is more to come! While in the position to wiggle, drip dry the toilet once again decides it needs another good, hardy flush. GABOOSH! Can it get worse? OH YES IT CAN! Up splashes the toilet water this time so high that while I am shoulder length leg spread it finds its way to my face. Not just my face, my left eye! Really?! Yes, my left eye. I have never bolted out of a stall so fast in all my born days. I’m spent, there is nothing left. I’m holding on by a string and Mother Nature has her scissors out!

I step over to the sink. My hands have to be gross after all I’m in a public toilet so I’m not going to flush my eye here. The lady two stalls down is already at the respective sink finishing up. I’m thinking I must have a look on my face that reads “don’t speak!” I hear the clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk, of the towel dispenser and I wonder why does she need so much is she an Amazon with huge hands? The next words cause my head to explode. I hear “UH OH” as she takes the last bit of paper towels and uses every inch of it leaving me standing with dripping hands. Mind you, there was enough there for three women to dry their hands. I’m in the bathroom with a lady that’s mama never spanked her or shown her any manners whatsoever.

My little 5’3” self flies out of that bathroom shaking my hands, shaking my head (SMH) and daring anyone to look at me. I get to the car and poor little Hunter sees that it is best to remain calm. Home….let’s just get home. I’m sure had he not been with me I would have cried all the way home. Instead, I prayed, sang and TRIED to talk to my teenage son.

I have never been so thankful to see Sunday in all my days but just walking through the doors that morning made all the difference in the world. I still couldn’t tell my parents about the hubby’s job but I could laugh about the toilet water. I knew there were some women there that knew about the job situation and I knew that I was covered.

I hope to never have another week like that one. Looking back I see that when I was losing it someone else was in control. When I couldn’t He could. I’ve GOT to get better about giving it to Him and not asking for it back. I’m satisfied knowing that He knows just how stupid I am sometimes. He knows when to let me have it and when it is best to just hold and take care of it. Isn’t it funny how He equips us with 20/20 hindsight? I like to think of it as lesson building. Look back….build yourself up and learn that lesson!