Happy December 27th!

   As I sit in the airport waiting to head home, I look at the date and am reminded of this same one ten years ago. Ten years! Seems like a lifetime ago. SO many changes and yet, so many things the same. Today I celebrate my 10 year surgiversary!!!       

     Ten years ago I was 214# and miserable. Not only just physically, but mentally and emotionally too. When others see someone fat the usual response is a side eye, a sigh, an internal dialogue that goes something like “she is HUGE....she needs to do something”, or the ever pitiful look....or the disgusted look.  Trust me when I tell you, we fatties are disgusted, we roll our eyes in the mirror, we sigh when we see ourselves and we know we are pitiful and disgusting. We are just like you. We have feelings, thoughts an ideas just as you. We are loved by our families. We are loved by our friends. The only person that doesn’t love us is us.         
     We seek comfort in food. We have love affairs with food. Sometimes we are having a great time and let ourselves go. Next thing we know we are in the cycle of yo yo dieting. Sometimes, we have had a trauma in our lives. These traumas can be known to others or hid behind the mounds of food we consume. We are not much different than an alcoholic. The sad thing is we can not just put the food down because we have to have said food to sustain life. We can’t walk away from the devil. We face him, head on! Sometimes we succeed, sometimes not.  Either way the slogan “just say no” doesn't work. It takes a higher power alright.     I will never forget the hard time it took. So many think it is the easy way out and I will tell you, it is harder than any workout or diet I have ever tried.
     We go into surgery thinking it will be one way and about three days later we start questioning. What the hell have I done to myself!?!?!?! We cry. We think we are starving. We can’t believe anyone chooses this. I would look at my plate and think “this is all?” This is what the rest of my life will look like?? I can’t  even eat two chicken nuggets. We mourn our food like it has somehow died in our lives. Our lover has left us. Our lives will never be the same without them in our lives. The death of the fat person deserves to be eulogized and loved as they leave.
     Somehow, just like all the times before we when can’t see the end of the tunnel. We wake up and there we are standing in the sun. We have found a way through. We have heard the compliments. We have cried all the tears away. We have found a way to live through the ups and downs, the ins and outs of this bariatric life and look at the newbies with compassion and understanding that no one else can give them.
     It sure hasn’t been an easy road these last ten years but the road of life never is. While so many have struggled through the changes, I’ve just adapted the laid back attitude of “whatever”. Whatever happens, happens. What will be, will be. There is nothing we can do to change so many things, but we can change our lives for the better. My better was getting healthier for my children and grandchildren. My better was to be there for my parents. My better has been to get up everyday, try not to overthink the day and make good choices. Isn’t that what life is about? Making good choices? 
     In closing, I would like to go ahead and lay it out there like I always have in my blog. I am 5’3”. My highest weight was 214#. My surgery weight ten years ago today was 206#. My lowest weight was 108#.  I have no idea what today’s weight is for I am on an airplane but, I have stayed between 143-148# the last 4 years or so. I am still considered obese by the medical community. I consider myself just fine where I am. Am I happy when I look in the mirror? Absolutely NO! I am a 57 year old woman that has given birth to two children. I have lived a fun-filled mostly exciting life. I am trying to continue the habit of enjoying the little things and the “ride” to get where I am going. I eat what I want. I drink what I want, with the exception of carbonated drinks and I go where I want. For what could a person ask? 
     No one gets out of here alive. If you aren’t making your life better everyday, you should be. If you aren’t doing what you want to do, you should be. If you aren’t living your life for your “higher power”, you should be. Every step you take is one step closer to not being able to step at all. Get healthy, love yourself and others and get outside to enjoy each day.